


Upon Your Shore

by Sereda



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Play, Angst, BDSM, Bondage, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Drama & Romance, Drunkenness, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Drama, Humor, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inquisitor is half Qunari and half human, Iron Bull Feels, Jealousy, Masturbation, Mild S&M, Oral Sex, Prostate Massage, Romance, Rough Sex, Roughhousing, Spanking, Two hot Qunari going at it, UK spelling, Violence, how else can we explain how the femqunari look?, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-03-16 09:41:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 34,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3483467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sereda/pseuds/Sereda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirah Adaar is a beautiful mixed race (Qunari/human) woman. Strong, brave and intelligent, she's never quite found a partner to match her... until she meets The Iron Bull. This follows the action of the game, with a back story for the Inquisitor and her family.</p><p>Update APR 15: I've included screen pics of my Adaar at the end of chapters 2 and 15 :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drinks after Druffalo

**Author's Note:**

> My plan for this story is to explore the Qunari and their relationships. I find them so fascinating. It will be written from both Inquisitor Adaar's and Iron Bull's perspectives. 
> 
> * A lot of this is respectfully borrowed from the game so a huge thanks to the amazingly talented folk at Bioware for letting me play.  
> *This story will contain spoilers. If you haven't played it through, bookmark and come back when you've played the game. 
> 
> Finally, thanks SO much for reading. Feel free to comment or message me. And, most importantly of all, enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor wonders why Bull hasn't picked up on her flirty hints and drowns her sorrows with Dorian...

Kirah Adaar sat at her table on the first floor of the Herald’s Rest. It was a good spot to relax, even if she did overhear the patrons occasionally whispering about her in sibilant bursts. As the only female Qunari in the Inquisition, everyone knew who she was. Kirah took this largely in her stride. She was used to people staring. Her human father told her it was because she was beautiful, but she knew it was because she was so strange-looking compared to pretty much everyone else. Kirah smiled. Silly, wonderful papa.

Dorian rounded the corner with no fewer than six tankards of Fereldan beer. Even so encumbered, he had a powerful grace about him and an exuberance Kirah appreciated. It reminded her of Sataa: arrogant, handsome and threw himself into fights with a ferocious grace. Back in Haven, Shrokrakar sent news of his death and it had been a terrible shock. Kirah transferred all her affection to Dorian the moment she saw him, but Dorian was one of a kind and that deflected fondness was becoming deeper as they travelled, fought, and of course drank, together.

The mage frowned slightly in concentration as he lowered the many beers carefully, a purple sparkle showing he’d used a touch of magic to achieve the feat.

‘Are we expecting company?’ Kirah asked, taking in the six draughts.

‘No,’ Dorian replied, raising an eyebrow mischievously. ‘My dear Inquisitor, the queue at the bar is unacceptable and the first beverage goes down criminally quickly, as you well know.’

Kirah laughed and grabbed the first one with an approving nod. She clinked it with Dorian’s before taking a long sip, eyes closed, savouring the malty aftertaste. She needed this. It had been a tough day, even by their standards.

Cass, Varric and Dorian had joined Kirah in Crestwood in her bid to track down and eliminate bandits as part of the area's final clean up. They'd traipsed the length and breadth of the land and successfully taken down several separate groups, including some unexpected Red Templars. But as they made their way back to the camp they came upon a few stragglers. For a fleeting moment, Kirah thought about bypassing them and coming back another day. After all, their potions were depleted and everyone was tired, but it would have meant a return trip and they were all utterly fed up with the place. So... they plunged in, were less careful and caught three druffalo in the cross-fire. Of course, this resulted in an angry charge by the iron-skinned beasts and all descended into chaos. Kirah was smashed into a rock and broke several ribs, Cassandra dislocated a shoulder, Dorian was knocked unconscious by a rogue sneaking up behind him and at one point Varric was flung through the air by a vicious head-butt.

‘Better?’ Dorian asked.

Kirah opened her eyes and nodded. She was hardly going to reveal the creeping terror that if a few rogues and druffalo could nearly cripple her party, how the fuck were they going to crush Corypheus?

Dorian’s eyes narrowed a moment as though he’d read her thoughts. ‘Keep drinking,’ he commanded.

***

After her third tankard, Kirah felt far more relaxed. She smiled tipsily at Dorian who was regaling her with tales of treachery and wild dancing in Minrathous. She loved his bright eyes. _Were they blue-grey or blue-green?_   She mused. They seemed to change depending on the light or his mood.

Maryden, the Inquisition bard, began singing that jaunty number about Sera.

‘Ooh I rather like this one!’ Dorian interrupted himself to exclaim.

Kirah chuckled. ‘Me too, but I probably should talk to the singer because Sera made an official complaint.’

‘Ugh,’ scoffed Dorian. ‘I’ve _seen_ the way Sera looks at her. I tell you, mistress Adaar, she wants to get into her knickers with equal fervour.’

‘Ah,’ Kirah began, fingering the handle of her tankard. ‘So you’re saying that prickly, defensive attitude belies a heart that wants to love and be loved? Why that’s _scandalous_!’

‘Well, she’s not the only one,’ Dorian mused, tipping his head in Iron Bull's general direction. The Qunari was sitting among the Chargers on the ground floor. Kirah gave a wry smile. She'd waved at him earlier, hoping he would join them, but he'd merely waved back and carried on drinking with his crew. 

‘You know, I’ve been dropping some hefty hints and seeing as he’s Ben-Hassrath I can safely assume he understands my meaning,’ Kirah complained.

Dorian's eyes narrowed disdainfully. ‘I'm confused. He’s clearly an indiscriminating slut judging by the obscene amount of women he’s shagged since joining the Inquisition.’

Kirah frowned, ‘I know.' 

‘You’re _far_ superior to them,’ Dorian added, reaching out and squeezing her arm. ‘Perhaps he thinks he’s unworthy of you. I mean, I know _I_ think that.’

Kirah smiled, but she felt utterly rejected. First, Cullen turned her down flat back in Haven and now Bull. But the latter was the one that stung the most.

When she first saw Bull on the Storm Coast shore... _phwoar!_  What a scene. His huge grey muscles wet with rain and those horns were... imposing. He made her feel _small_ , which was so rare and an incredible turn-on. The way he'd laughed when he saw her, acknowledging their shared heritage... a deep, rich laugh. He'd left an indelible mark.

Not long afterward, she'd overheard a Chantry healer talking about her wild night with Bull which left her walking funny... So, Kirah knew he was a randy bugger. It had all been so promising.

But now Kirah felt short-changed. She couldn't and wouldn't throw herself at the man. She was the damned Inquisitor! And yet she really needed to let off some steam. _Oh well._  Right now, she could do worse than the company of her adorable gay mage and copious amounts of beer... 


	2. A Question of Dragons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team slay their first dragon and Inquisitor Adaar finds herself celebrating with Bull. Man... those horns... so dragony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some excerpts of dialogue are taken directly from the game so I respectfully thank David Gaider, Patrick Weekes and the rest of the fabulous Bioware team.
> 
> I have a pic of my Inquisitor but I'm not sure how to attach it yet - will do so as soon as I figure it out...
> 
> Thanks so much for the kudos and comments so far, beautiful people x

‘Taarsidath-an halsaam!’ Bull roared, swinging his axe against the dragon’s neck. It ripped another high-pitched scream from the creature’s throat, but this time it failed to terrorise the party. Bull’s unbridled enthusiasm had galvanised them all into action. Even Vivienne was swiping at the beast with her white hot spirit blade while Cassandra looked wildly exultant despite the blood smeared across her face.

With great difficulty the dragon took flight again. Kirah screamed with frustration and viciously punched a dragonling as it lunged at her.

‘Fu-OW!!!’ she wailed as the pain registered across her knuckles.

Bull laughed that deep laugh and Kirah felt soothed as she plunged her blade fatally into the animal’s breast.

‘Come on!’ she shouted, waving the party onward. The gold-coloured Frostback appeared to have taken momentary respite on a higher ridge. _Could they actually do this? Take down a fucking dragon?_ She forged forward, racing up the bank, Bull just behind her. She could hear his excited breathing and it made her stomach flip. _Pull yourself together you idiot!_ She internally chastised.

The dragon had landed in a rounded alcove, surrounded by high rock. On one hand it would be difficult to take flight from here and easy to make the creature back itself into the rock. On the other there wasn’t much room to dodge a torrent of flames or a swipe of sword-like claws.

The rumbling in its throat, akin to a great castle furnace, alerted Kirah to the impending flames. She quaffed a fire resistance potion before racing forward, ducking as the searing heat filled the space. Thankfully, the comparatively blissful blast of Vivienne’s icy spellcasting cooled the air and stunned the dragon. A familiar throbbing red ring appeared underfoot, the ‘ring of pain’, one of Bull’s talents. She watched the behemoth wince as it took spirit damage and she sneered. They  _were_ going to kill the blighted dragon.

Bull was clearly of the same mind. Grinning, they charged forward together and hacked, slashed and swore until the beast came crashing down in a bloody lifeless heap.

‘YEAH!’ Bull roared, dropping his heavy axe and thrusting his fists to the sky in triumph.

‘Is everyone alright?’ Kirah asked a little breathlessly.

‘Never better!’ exclaimed Bull. And then with boyish glee: ‘See the way everything lit up when it tried to fry us?’

‘How could I miss it?’ Kirah chuckled.

Bull laughed. ‘Now _that_ was a fight.’

‘That last burst of flame nearly roasted us,’ Cassandra responded grimly, but Kirah saw her eyes shine.

***

They strode into Skyhold with their packs full of dragon treasures. Bull’s chest was distinctly more puffed out, Kirah noted admiringly. Blackwall greeted them half jealous, half giddy, shaking hands and patting backs. Vivienne couldn’t resist making a sarcastic comment about his ‘girlish enthusiasm’ but even her cool exterior had warmed a little with their victory.

Cullen jogged over to them, clearly relieved to see them in one piece.

‘Inquisitor, Maker, you look dreadful!’ he exclaimed.

‘You should see the other guy,’ Kirah grinned, earning herself an approving slap on the back from Bull.

‘Well done,’ Cullen smiled proudly.

Kirah felt her heart warm with his words. He was such a worrier and yet his face lit up so completely when he smiled, making her want to crush him in a bear hug.

Cullen continued, ‘When you get cleaned up, let’s go over your findings. I believe they’ll have a great many uses and no doubt give the nobles an excuse to celebrate. Well, Josephine will know more about that sort of thing.’

Kirah clapped him on the back and walked with him to the great hall as the party dispersed. She sighed heavily, happy.

‘You’re alright?’ Cullen asked tentatively.

‘Completely,’ Kirah replied, giving him a tired smile. ‘We really needed this victory. _I_ needed it.’

‘It will be a tremendous boost to morale, Inquisitor. And even if I didn’t wholly approve of your mission, I respect it, and you, a great deal.’ Cullen spoke softly and gave a wry smile.

‘Yes, I seem to recall you grumbling about ‘reckless bravado’ and ‘senseless risk’ earlier,’ Kirah teased.

Cullen wrinkled his nose, hands on hips.

‘And you were right, Commander,’ Kirah offered kindly. ‘But it needed to be done. And now it is.’

Cullen nodded gratefully. Kirah strolled inside the hall and was greeting by Varric's hearty guffaw and an excited ripple amongst the nobles. She took a small bow and called for a bath.

***

Sinking into the huge, customised bathtub, Kirah felt her muscles loosen at last. She slipped underneath the water for a moment, enveloped in its warm embrace - save for her bent knees - after all they couldn't make a bath that big _and_ get it up the stairs. The high-pitch of the dragon's cry still rang in her ears but the water soothed her immeasurably. Coming up for breath at last she lay still against a fluffy towel draped across the back, a nice touch from the chamber maid. She could safely put the druffalo catastrophe behind her now, thank Andraste.  

Her hands slipped over her thighs as she soaped her firm tan skin, the legacy of her Qunari/human parentage. Accidentally pressing on a bruise in her exploration. Even with potions, there was still healing to be done. The sore spot took her back to the fight, Bull breathing behind her, sometimes grunting with exertion, other times roaring jubilantly. It was ridiculously elaborate foreplay, but seeing as Bull wasn't in her chamber it would be criminal to let it go to waste. She slid her fingers down over her inner thighs towards her sex. Despite the water she could feel the familiar slickness just inside her lips. Her touch made her muscles clench, this certainly wouldn't take long.

Lightly caressing her opening for a moment she imagined Bull's lips, hot against her, nibbling gently, followed by his tongue darting expertly, insistently, inside. Kirah groaned at the thought and brought her fingers to her clit, rubbing firmly. She replayed those breathy grunts and visions of Bull's hot muscles quivering and pulling taut with every swing of his axe. Kirah saw him drop that axe in triumph and advance upon her, thrusting her against the still-warm rump of the dragon. He pulled down her breeches impatiently and pushed himself inside her with a groan... Kirah came hard, breathlessly stretching her neck back. When she came to her senses, she growled. What did she have to do to get that man inside her?

***

Kirah marched into the Herald’s Rest hoping to find Bull, but when she glimpsed his usual chair she found it empty. Disappointment and frustration threatened to well inside her when she heard his deep, jovial voice burst from the bar.

‘Inquisitor! Come have a drink!’ he ordered, and poured her a flagon of some dark red substance without waiting for her reply. Not that she would have resisted, she thought. 

‘To killing a high dragon like warriors of legend!’ Bull exclaimed.

Kirah’s heart swelled with pride for them both, but as she lifted the tankard to her lips she thought it prudent to ask, ‘What exactly am I supposed to be drinking?’

‘Maraas-lok.’ Bull said with a low, tempting rumble.

‘What does that mean?’

‘It means drink!’ Bull laughed.

Kirah smiled and clinked his tankard before taking a big glug. Even with her drinking prowess, proudly cultivated from years of living among mercenaries, the brew hit the back of her throat hard and took her breath away. Bull laughed, mischievously.

‘I know, right? Put some chest on your chest, mmm.’

A few drinks in and Bull was still talking about the fight. Kirah didn’t mind. She'd come to confront him about why he hadn't taken her yet, when he'd seemingly fucked half of Thedas. And yet she'd been swept away by his passion... for dragons. She leant heavily on her hand, dreamily, aware she was staring, but a little too drunk to rein it in. 

‘What I wouldn’t give to roar like that,’ Bull exclaimed longingly.

‘You have an amma…zing roar,’ Kirah hiccuped.

‘Ya think?’ Bull grinned surprised, then continued. ‘The way the ground shook when it landed. The smell of the fires burning… Taarsidath-an halsaam,’ he rumbled joyfully.

He paused to take another swig and topped Kirah up.

‘That thing you just said. You shouted it during the fight too. What does it mean?’ Kirah asked.

‘Closest translation would be, _“I will bring myself sexual pleasure later, while thinking about this with great respect.”’_ Bull said softly, reverently. He didn’t meet Kirah’s incredulous gaze and poured himself another drink.

_Wait. Did Bull just look **shy**? Maker, I must be drunk.  _

‘You shouted _that_ while it was breathing fire at us?’ she exclaimed.

‘I know right?’ Bull said proudly and then grunted in such a sexual way, it was Kirah’s turn to be shy. She took another swig to quell the feeling. Bull nodded approvingly.

Bull taught her so much about the Qunari. She’d assimilated her parents’ rejection of the Qun and then passionately despised it after what happened later… but hearing Bull talk about it all made her feel a little differently. It was confusing, disconcerting even. But when he spoke Qunlat it sounded so ancient and powerful and she began to understand something of the honour of his people. She pressed him to explain where the Qunari passion for dragons came from.

‘Well, you know how we have horns? We kind of look more…dragony… than most people,’ Bull offered.

Kirah examined his horns again. They were huge and really turned her on, but then so did everything about the big man. Her own horns curled back and were more modest, although she’d always been proud of them. They were like her mother's.

‘Maybe it’s that,’ Bull mused. ‘But a few of the Ben-Hassrath have this crazy old theory. See, the Tamassrans control who we mate with.’

Kirah knew this only too well and nodded blankly. What was it Mama told her? _They breed-_

‘They breed us for jobs like you’d breed dogs or horses,’ Bull said it as though he’d been reading her mind. ‘What if they mixed in some dragon a long time ago?’ Bull continued. ‘Maybe drinking the blood, maybe magic. I don’t know. But something in that dragon we killed… spoke to me.’

Kirah knew what he meant. Perhaps she hadn’t felt it as strongly, being only half Qunari, but she’d definitely felt it. It was raw, primal. The smell of the blood had actually been… exciting. She wanted to say it, but she felt strange about the whole thing and suspected her randy bath activity had been fuelled by it. Hadn't she imagined them rutting against the side of the dead dragon's body? Maker preserve her. Kirah mumbled something about feeling sorry for the creature and Bull appeased her declaring a dragon's violent, uncontrolled nature needed to be destroyed.

‘Taming the wild. Order out of chaos,’ Bull explained as he poured her another drink.

A few cups later and they were improvising a song which consisted largely of yelling ‘Ataashi’ over and over. Bull had taught her it meant 'glorious ones' – the name the Qunari gave to dragons.

‘Ataaaaaaasheeeeeee!’ they sang until Cabot, the Dwarven bartender, threatened to throw them out if they didn't keep it down.

‘To dragons!’ Bull exclaimed as he took another swig.

Kirah couldn’t help herself, ‘To the Iron Bull!’ she cheered as she nestled against his huge bicep.

‘And his ass-kicking inquisitor!’ Bull jovially responded.

***

Kirah staggered back to her chambers, needing to lean against every post, pillar and doorframe on the way, but she felt strangely light. Had Bull really said what he just said? She played it again in her mind, Bull coming over all solemn and leaning in. His breath smelling like the ale, or whatever it was, they'd been drinking and just as intoxicating.

‘I always want to say this, and I never can when we’re off saving the world: you’ve got _fantastic_ tits.’

Kirah laughed out loud, then covered her mouth and looked around. Luckily, the fires were low and the hall was empty. Maybe there was some hope for her after all.

 

 ***

 

My Kirah Adaar from DA:I playthrough. Excuse the slight fuzziness - must be love :)


	3. Wrestling with Men and Meaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Iron Bull is confused. Damn! Inquisitor Adaar is hot, but he's getting mixed signals and his Ben-Hassrath training isn't helping. Just what is going on between her and Cullen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is one from Bull's perspective. Our first glimpse into his thoughts. It's clear the Ben-Hassrath training doesn't make him invincible. Enjoy!

Bull sparred in the courtyard. He knew Cassandra was watching, arms crossed, from the dummy practise area, and Dorian was practically falling out of his window to get an eyeful. The Qunari was well aware his enormous, muscle-bound body sparked something primal in those who witnessed it in action, regardless of whether they were Chantry sisters or horny mages. And he relished the effect it had on them.

Bull pondered his transformation long and hard, but rationalised his enjoyment of his (and others') sexuality had simply been the happy result of having the time to relax, drink and be free in the company of beautiful people doing the same. Seheron had been a daily horror, enough to quench any libido. Perhaps it was inevitable when he settled in Orlais that things would change. Perhaps this was who he truly was. Some days he was at peace with that. Other days, he felt distinctly 'off', adrift without true purpose, knowing he was moving further from the Qun and everything he'd been taught. 

Today, however, The Iron Bull felt more than comfortable under everyone's gaze. Having planted three Inquisition soldiers, and Krem, on their asses, he was full of vim and vigour. Puffing up his chest, he scanned the battlements and saw Kirah Adaar leaning against them. Her silhouette showcased in the morning sun. Now hers was a pair of eyes he _really_ wanted on him.

Kirah shifted and Bull could see she wasn’t alone. Cullen stood beside her, very close. Bull frowned and tackled a charging Krem to the ground, holding him there until he cried, ‘I submit!’

It was because of his great admiration for the Commander that Bull had decided against pursuing the Inquisitor. He’d noticed their mutual affection and wanted to give them space to see if something would unfold. Yet he couldn't deny Kirah’s flirting. Did she really mean it? Or did she do it because she was a master at matching her style to suit her company? She knew people and was wonderful with them. _Could have been a Ben-Hassrath_ , Bull acknowledged.

A bulky Inquisition soldier squared up to Bull next and the warrior braced himself for a spot of wrestling.

_Hot damn what a beauty. Cutting a dash in her nicely-fitted armour, long boots and gold and stormheart horn guards. The wind and rain of the Storm Coast didn’t remotely faze her as she wielded her huge axe with grace and power._

The soldier had Bull around the waist and tried to push him backwards.

_When she strode towards him, he couldn’t help but laugh. He was strangely, immediately proud. Even though she was technically Vashoth, she was representative of his people, leading all in a quest against unknown horrors. But he also laughed to shake off his surprise. Her golden amber eyes were a sight to behold, her full lips, those neat white corn rows with such fair blonde underneath and tan skin. Tan skin! He’d never seen the like on his kind. More than that, the way she held herself was just so... commanding._

Now the soldier was lying on his back in the dust. The grey-skinned behemoth sitting astride his chest. Bull laughed and kindly helped him up.

‘Good job,’ he said, clapping the man on the back.

Bull looked back to the battlements. Cullen had his hand on Kirah’s arm. He looked intensely into her eyes, she raised her hand to his shoulder…

The Qunari didn’t notice Krem until he felt the blow behind his right knee, bringing him to the ground with a thud. Angry at the distraction, Bull elbowed the Charger in the stomach, winding him so he joined Bull on the ground.

Bull growled at himself and put a soothing hand on Krem’s shoulder. He looked up again and the pair had gone.

***

Much later that evening Kirah spilled into the tavern with Dorian and Sera. It was obvious they’d already been drinking. Kirah had a bruise across her cheek, Dorian a split lip and Sera was limping.

Krem made a joke that either they’d been sparring, or shagging... Bull’s mood darkened remembering the display on the battlements. _What was wrong with him?_ The Inquisitor could flirt with who she pleased, bed who she pleased. He knew he needed to get this out of his system. He’d already made that stupid comment about her tits. He growled at himself, but it only served to get Kirah's attention.

‘Hey champ! Heard you kicked everyone’s asses in the training ring today?’ 

Her affectionate voice warmed Bull greatly, but he pushed it aside, waving his hand dismissively.

‘Is that why you left me out of the questing today? Afraid I’d show you all up?’

‘Ha!’ laughed Dorian in that haughty way of his. ‘I’m sure the Inquisitor didn’t want to spoil your little victory by making you engage in a real fight and end up on _your_ arse.’

Kirah rolled her eyes. ‘Come on, let’s get some drinks,’ she said as she slapped a hand onto Dorian’s shoulder and steered him to the bar.

***

Dorian was drunkenly singing with Krem and the bard. Sera had long since retired and Bull had intended to do the same, when he found himself alone with the Inquisitor. Her cheeks were rosy from the drink and her eyes sparkled in the candlelight. She turned from looking at the singing trio to the Qunari.

‘Is everything alright, Bull?’ she asked tenderly.

‘Sure, boss,’ Bull said with a smile. ‘All good here.’ He paused and chose his next few words carefully.

‘How about you? I saw you talking to Cullen earlier. Looked pretty intense.’

Kirah frowned and scratched her head, behind a horn.

‘Yeah, he’s going through a tough time right now. It’s a… personal matter so I can’t really discuss it you understand.’

‘Of course, boss.’

Kirah changed the subject.

‘So, your training went down well this morning?’

‘Ha! Yep, along with quite a few men.’

Kirah smiled, her eyes narrowing, ‘I wish I’d seen it. Even Dorian was impressed with you - I mean the fight,’ she grinned mischievously. 'I would have _very_ much enjoyed seeing you wrestle a herd of men to the ground.'

Bull laughed. Damn it, she _was_ flirting with him. 


	4. The Impossible Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Qunari have offered an alliance to the Inquisition if they help them thwart a red lyrium smuggling operation. Iron Bull leads the way with Kirah Adaar and the Chargers in tow, but things don't quite go as planned...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter borrows dialogue and action directly from Dragon Age: Inquisition so thanks again to Bioware and their inspiration. 
> 
> Spoiler alert: this features a pivotal scene in the game. Bookmark for later if you haven't played it yet! 
> 
> I appreciate not everyone likes game scenes revisited like this, but I felt it was really important to Kirah and Bull. Both are merc leaders and both have a pull to the Qunari homeland. Plus, I'm learning! :)

_‘Tal-Va-fucking-shoth!’ he growled, blocking her escape. He grabbed her, throwing her effortlessly across the room. The pain on impact was excruciating. Hands on her throat, before she had a chance to catch her breath, panic, if only she could scream…_

When Bull first told her about the letter suggesting a Qunari/Inquisition alliance, Kirah had _very_ mixed feelings. Part of her wanted Par Vollen to burn to the ground. Yet… there was an undeniable physical heritage, even the smell, that fascinated her… it was primal, fundamental. Two people she cared about were Qunari, well her mother was technically Tal-Vashoth, just as she herself was Vashoth, but she couldn’t care less about the semantics. They were of the same race for Maker’s sake. The same blood.

Her parents had told her she didn’t need to be defined by her appearance or ancient bloodlines, that she created herself only by her actions. And she believed that. Yet there was something odd about being a Qunari, perhaps it was a more feral, animalistic bond, than with other races. Her mother may have helped her navigate these choppy waters had she lived long enough.

Even as a half Qunari, Kirah felt the pull, so Bull must have felt it all the more deeply. Yet even _he_ had been cautious about an alliance.

‘I’m used to them being over _there_ ,’ he’d told her.

Kirah knew enough about the Qun to know he was in violation of many of its codes of conduct. She’d joked with him about it a few times. He would laugh but she could see he wrestled with it. To be brought up so strictly amongst people you undoubtedly admire, and then, hate what you’ve become so much you go to the re-educators…   _How did he keep it all together? How was he such a good man?_

She understood he’d lost his left eye protecting Krem before he even knew him. Now, she’d just discovered that Gatt, the elf Viddathari who was leading this operation, had been rescued from a Tevinter magister by Bull. She’d also seen, so many times, how he looked after the Chargers, and her team. She remembered the kind and supportive way he’d praised Dorian after the difficult meeting with his father, and they’d had a _particularly_ prickly start. And how could she forget how he turned a terrifying dragon fight into something magnificent with his unbridled enthusiasm?

He was a man amongst boys that was for sure and Kirah felt so secure around him. Perhaps the most secure of all her crew. And she knew others felt the same. But what about him? Who could he go to if he ever came undone? And could any of them stand it if he did? 

Gatt called Bull Hissrad, which he translated as ‘liar’. Was that how Bull coped, hidden behind a mask of lies? No, that wasn’t the man Kirah knew. And she didn’t appreciate the way Gatt said it either. However, the elf did seem reasonable and talked frankly about his time with the Qun. 

Waiting in the Storm Coast rain, with Solas and Cole, Kirah felt great trepidation. They were covering a dreadnought run! She’d heard stories of the magnificent Qunari ships, but never seen one. Their goal was to obliterate a Venatori smuggling operation intent on passing large quantities of red lyrium to Minrathous. Magisters creating powerful red lyrium-fuelled monsters was too terrifying to contemplate, and, thank the Maker, the Qunari had caught wind of it before it was too late.

The Inquisition’s role was to sneak up on the enemy on land, eliminating them so that the dreadnought could attack unhindered. Gatt’s plan was sound. He’d explained that bringing the Inquisition army was not an option – it would be seen and the smugglers’ plans would merely be deferred. Bringing Kirah’s team and the Chargers was all they needed.

Impatiently, Kirah walked over to where Bull was discussing how things would go down with the Chargers. He sounded concerned.

‘Just… pay attention alright? The ‘vints want this red lyrium shipment bad.’

‘Yes, I know. Thanks mother!’ Krem teased.

Bull turned to Kirah. ‘Ready when you are boss.’

She loved how he called her boss after being the boss of his own crew. It made her feel so powerful.

After the Chargers had left, Gatt pointed out the obvious, ‘You gave your Chargers the easier target.’

Bull raised his eyebrows innocently, ‘You think?’

Kirah smiled to herself. She knew only too well what it was like to lead a team. Particularly one of which you were especially fond. She remembered Rocky calling him ‘Papa Bull’ on more than one occasion.

 

***

 

As the last Venatori fell, Bull nodded to Gatt to signal the ship. From their elevated position above the beach, through the mist and rain, an impressive dark mass appeared soaring through the turbulent surf.

‘There’s the dreadnought,’ Bull declared proudly. ‘Ah… that brings back memories.’

Kirah stared at the behemoth as it sent a tremendous fiery volley at the smugglers’ far inferior ship, leaving a roiling, bubbling mess.

Bull laughed, ‘Nice one!’

Then his expression was wiped clean away by fear as he moaned, ‘Crap.’  

Kirah turned her gaze to the beach and saw a large troop of Venatori soldiers and mages advancing on the Chargers’ position. They were outnumbered two to one at least.

Bull was clearly torn as he stared helplessly at the threat, then the Chargers, who’d drawn their weapons, bravely, ready to take a stand.

‘They’ve still got time to fall back if you signal them _now_ ,’ Kirah urged.

Bull’s face was a mask of pain, ‘Yeah,’ he breathed, but she could see he was paralysed by this impossible choice.

‘Your men need to hold that position, Bull,’ Gatt said firmly and unnecessarily.

‘They do that, they’re dead,’ Bull returned with a threatening rumble.

‘And if they don’t the Venatori re-take it and the _dreadnought_ is dead. You’d be throwing away an alliance between the Inquisition and the Qunari. You’d be declaring yourself Tal-Vashoth!’

For a moment Kirah hated the way Gatt’s face practically lit up when he said it. Bull turned to the elf, wordless, his expression dark.

Gatt continued his tirade about how many believed Bull had already betrayed the Qunari, how he stood up for him and told them Bull would never become Tal-Vashoth. If the Chargers’ lives weren’t on the line, Kirah would have felt sorry for him. He’d clearly been fiercely loyal to Bull and truly believed in him.

‘They’re my men,’ Bull said dangerously low, voice full of repressed emotion.

Gatt softened… ‘I know, but you need to do what’s right, Hissrad… for this alliance, and for the Qun.’

Bull turned to Kirah, a question on his lips that never came. She knew he couldn’t make this decision himself and was honoured to be his strong arm.

She paused for a moment, then commanded, ‘Call the retreat.’

Bull didn’t hesitate and blew his horn. The Chargers backed off speedily; Kirah imagined she could feel their gratitude even from this distance.

‘They’re falling back,’ Bull said, smiling faintly with relief.

Gatt circled in front of them, emotion cracking his voice. ‘All these years, Hissrad. And you throw away all that you are. For what? For this? For _them_?’ he pointed a finger accusingly at Kirah.

‘His name is _Iron Bull_ ,’ she spat.

The Venatori mages on the shore threw their own fiery vengeance at the dreadnought. Bull kept his eye firmly on the ship, barely shielding himself when it was destroyed in a mighty explosion. Kirah wondered how many Qunari had been aboard.

Bull finally sighed and tore his gaze away. ‘Come on, let’s get back to my boys.’  

 _His boys._ Kirah felt his paternal bond. They were his responsibility.

Gatt stayed behind, while Kirah and Bull returned to their camp. The Chargers wore mixed expressions, fuelled no doubt by guilt and relief. Rocky came up to Bull and patted him roughly on the arm, avoiding his eye. Stitches fussed around them with healing salves. Krem didn’t approach. His eyes were shining as he searched Bull’s face before sitting down heavily, sniffing, fussing with his sword.

Kirah knew that if Bull had been approaching their crumpled, dead bodies right now, instead of their awkward but breathing selves, he’d never have forgiven himself. Yet she knew it would be no easier to forget the dead Qunari at the bottom of the ocean, nor the fact he was now an outcast. But then, it wasn’t his decision, it was hers, and she could bear it. 

They travelled in near complete silence back to Skyhold, everyone lost in thought.

 

* * *

 

Bull had asked Kirah to the training area. As she approached so did Gatt. He wore a steely expression on his face and stiffly informed them there would no longer be an alliance nor any Ben-Hassrath reports. When he finally declared Bull a Tal-Vashoth ally, Kirah felt the big man tense beside her.

‘I never meant to turn you against your people, Bull,’ Kirah apologised when Gatt had gone.

Bull frowned and Kirah immediately realised she’d said the wrong thing. _  
_

‘I’m the one who blew the horn,’ Bull said.

‘On my orders,’ she pressed.

‘Boss… let me have this one, all right? This one needs to be mine,’ he finished firmly.

Kirah realised that although he’d needed her decision at the Storm Coast, he didn’t now. He needed to feel responsible, to own his choice. 

Just then Krem hobbled over, he was doing better if still sore from fighting his fellow ‘vints. He let slip that Bull was opening a cask of Chasind sack mead for the Chargers that night, which earned him a playful punch in the arm from the chief.

Kirah smiled. In that moment she felt utterly right in their choice to save them. Bull may no longer have the Qun, but he was still an amazing guy.

***


	5. Tal-Va-f**king-shoth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iron Bull is ambushed at Skyhold and Kirah is furious, first with the assassins, then with Bull, then with Cullen... Of course none of them know why she's especially enraged. No wonder she's exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue and action from the game so thanks, and acknowledgement, as always, goes to Bioware. 
> 
> Alert: some spoiler action if you haven't played the game.

Kirah was appalled. Assassins had infiltrated Skyhold and attacked Bull. The Qunari groaned in pain as he inspected his shoulder wound, the result of a throwing knife. 

‘Sorry, boss, I thought I might need back up. Guess I’m not even worth sending professionals for.’

Kirah’s mouth went dry. She’d met the professionals, Arvaarads, many years ago. A cold shard of fear pierced her chest. What if _they_ had been on the battlements? Suddenly she was torn between wanting to help Bull and punching him.

‘You _knew_ the assassins were coming?’ she blurted out.

‘Little change in the guard rotation tipped me off.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me ahead of time?’ she shouted.

Irritated, Bull said something about her not being able to hide her facial expression. Kirah knew he was right, she would never have managed it, but he wouldn’t have known why. She gathered her senses enough to ask if he was all right.

‘Fine. Hurt myself worse than this fooling around in bed,’ Bull half-joked.

‘What if they’d used poison?’ she asked, unamused.

Bull confirmed they’d used saar-qamek, but mercifully he’d been taking the antidote as a precaution.

‘Are you interested in getting some payback?’ she asked. Kirah had gone from wanting to flee to needing to pulverise the Qunari population.

‘Against who? The entire Ben-Hassrath? Besides, this wasn’t serious. Sending two guys with blades against _me_? That’s not a hit. That’s a formality. Just making it clear I’m Tal-Vashoth.’

Kirah considered for a moment. Bull had been given a longer leash than most. As Gatt had explained, Bull had been one of the Ben-Hassrath’s best agents, keeping the streets of Seheron clean ‘better than anyone before or after’. Even now, they didn’t appear to want to finish him off. Kirah exhaled and felt a little calmer.

But then he said it.

‘Tal-Va-fucking-shoth.’

Kirah winced. _How was this still so painful?_ He couldn’t possibly know how angry it made her, but she pressed on anyway.

‘You don’t need to say Tal-Vashoth like it’s an insult,’ she retorted.

Bull rightly countered, ‘This isn’t about you, boss.’

Kirah couldn’t help herself.

‘But I’m Tal-Vashoth too, just like you.’

‘No, you’re not, not really. You grew up with a family, you never knew anything different. I’ve killed hundreds of Tal-Vashoth in Seheron. Bandits, murderers, bastards who turned their back on the Qun… and now I’m one of them.’

‘Bullshit! You’re a good man.’

‘Without the Qun to live by…’

‘Hey, you’re a _good_ man. If the Ben-Hassrath don’t see that, it’s their loss.’

‘Thanks, boss,’ Bull said quietly.

Kirah knew he truly _was_ good. Not like the bastards who’d turned her world upside down. She made to leave, needed some space.

‘Boss?' Bull called out to her. 'Whatever I miss, whatever I regret… this is where I want to be. Whenever you need an ass kicked, The Iron Bull is with you.’

Kirah smiled as he walked away. Part of her wanted to go after him, pull him into a hug, but the greater part of her was still enraged. She turned on her heel and ran to Cullen’s office.

As Kirah burst through his door, the Commander jumped up and reached for his sword.

‘Inquisitor!’ he exclaimed.

‘We had fucking assassins on the ramparts, Commander! Is this your idea of security?’ Kirah all but screamed.

‘Wha- what do you mean assassins, are you all right?’

Cullen was advancing on her now, concerned. She knew if he said something kind or touched her she would crumble so she backed off, hands raised in warning.

‘I’m fine. They were Ben-Hassrath, or sent by them, to get Iron Bull.’

Cullen’s eyes widened.

‘He’s all right. Just a scratch. No thanks to your guards. They infiltrated us, Cullen, slipped into our guard rotation.’

‘Maker, I’m so sorry, Kir-Inquisitor. I’ll personally monitor the guards on the watchtowers and main exits and make sure we double-check every one who enters the gates. Would Bull like us to retaliate in some official capacity?’

Kirah softened. ‘Thank you Cullen, but no. Bull thinks that will be the whole of it and the Qunari will distance themselves from all of us now.’

‘It’s hardly fair,’ Cullen protested, suddenly angry. ‘After all, we did help them in their mission and we _were_ successful. It simply boiled down to a choice between them and us, and, well, there it is.’

Kirah nodded and rubbed her forehead, suddenly exhausted. Cullen put his hand onto her shoulder and she sagged a little.

‘Would you like to sit down?’

‘I think I need to _lie_ down.’

‘My quarters, such as they are, are just above us, if you’d like a moment?’

Kirah nodded and ascended the ladder.

***

 

_‘Tal-va-fucking-shoth!’ he growled, again, throttling her as she lay in agony on the cold kitchen floor. Suddenly he went stiff and was thrown aside. Kirah gasped for breath as she rubbed her tender throat. She glimpsed the handle of the meat cleaver sticking out his back before she was pulled to her feet._

_‘Run!’ her mother pleaded dragging Kirah to the kitchen door. Kirah was vaguely aware of the sound of wood breaking and growls and shouts just behind them. ‘Run!’ her mother repeated and shoved the young Qunari out into the night._

Kirah opened her eyes. It was still light, judging by the hole in Cullen’s roof, so she hadn’t been out for too long. At first she hadn’t been able to sleep, memories crowded her brain and she wanted to scream into the pillow. But she didn’t want Cullen to pry. Somehow, a deep exhaustion had taken her and she’d slept.

Now she could hear Bull talking to Cullen.

The Qunari had a strange expression on his face when he saw her descending the ladder.

‘Oh, I didn’t realise you had company,’ he said to Cullen, blankly.

‘I was just taking a nap. Please carry on,’ she urged, rubbing the back of her neck.

‘Bull was debriefing me about what happened, and to remind me of the breach in security. I told him you’d already dressed me down for that.’

Bull’s eyes narrowed. _Was he angry from earlier?_ Kirah wondered. She thought it best to give him space and left.

 

***

 

It was dark and the cool evening air soothed Kirah as she walked through Skyhold’s grounds. She’d intended to have an early night, but her afternoon slumber had meant she was now more alert.

Even in the darkness she spotted Bull’s highly recognisable figure leaning against the wall of the tavern. In one hand he held a flagon and the other hand held a woman easily about her waist. She was one of the serving girls and was giddy with excitement to be in his embrace.

Kirah knew she should just let him have his fun after the events of the day, but she couldn’t resist coughing loudly.

‘Oh hey, boss,’ he grinned. And then he turned to the girl, ‘Can you give us a moment? Maybe make yourself useful and refill this,’ he commanded cheekily and slapped her on the rump as she skipped away.

‘I’m glad you’re here actually, I wanted to talk to you,’ Bull said.

‘Sure,’ Kirah replied, although she felt a little uneasy.

‘I know you were surprised by the ambush,’ Bull said softly. ‘But I kind of got the impression there was more to your reaction than shock.’

Kirah took a deep breath. She wasn’t quite ready for this, not right now.

‘It’s OK, you don’t have to talk about it. I just want you to know that if you ever do, I’m here for you.’

Kirah exhaled. She wanted to hug him again.

‘Of course, you’ve got the Commander, but if it’s a Qunari thing, you know where to come,’ he continued.

‘The Commander?’ she asked, confused.

‘I know you two are… close. That’s all,’ Bull explained.

‘Er… he is a lovely man, but I doubt...’ Suddenly it dawned on her and she laughed, ‘You think we’re lovers?’

‘It’s all right, I won’t tell anyone,’ Bull replied, a little put out.

‘Some Ben-Hassrath you are… were, oh shit, sorry,’ Kirah stumbled.

Bull shook his head and smiled.

‘We’re not together, Bull, if that’s what you’re getting at.’

Kirah laughed and started to walk back to the great hall. She turned to shout over her shoulder, ‘Besides, I like my men with horns.’

Bull stared after her, open-mouthed. 


	6. A Bull's Eye View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iron Bull is waiting to be ambushed – he’s been spoiling for a fight since the disaster at the Storm Coast. But why is Kirah angry with him?  
> And... Bull finally finds out who Kirah *really* wants to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue and action from the game so thanks, and acknowledgement, as always, goes to Bioware.
> 
> I'm really having some fun with this - so bear with me - essentially this is the same slice of action as in chapter 5 – but told from Bull’s perspective. Gotta love a bit of Bull.
> 
> Alert: some spoiler action if you haven't played the game.

Bull dropped to the floor in his chamber and started doing press ups. He was tightly wound and needed some release. _How could they just cut me off like that?_ _After everything I've done and all I've given them?_ The mission had actually been a success. The smuggling operation was thwarted, but the casualties also happened to include one dreadnought full of Qunari.

Bull jumped to his feet and started to pace, cracking his knuckles. _Who would they send? The real Arvaarads like Ashaan or Meraad? Hard asses to take me down for good?_

He wanted them to come, he craved it. He needed to be in contact with them again. This silence was deafening.

 

***

 

Bull had been watching carefully for days, looking out for the signs. A small change in the guard rotation told him all he needed. He knew he should probably warn Cullen or Kirah, but he wanted the assassins to find him, he _really_ wanted a fight. _Or was it punishment?_

Breathing deeply and practising his Hisraad mask, the facial masking technique he’d learned as a Ben-Hassrath, Bull waited on the battlements, for the Inquisitor, and the hunters.

‘You wanted to see me?’ Kirah asked, approaching from the front.

Bull heard the footsteps approaching from behind, the unsheathing of a blade. Like a spring uncoiling he spun around to punch the first in the face. _He was human!_

The assassin went flying, but the shock made Bull pause for a split second, enough for the second assassin to lodge a poisoned throwing knife into his shoulder. The pain helped Bull refocus. He tore the blade out of his shoulder and flung it back at his assailant with such force it pierced his armour and struck him down dead.

The first was getting on his feet again.

‘Bull!’ Kirah shouted.

There was no way he would let her intervene.

‘I got it!’ he threw back, irritated.

The assassin swayed on his feet, unarmed.

‘Ebost issala, Tal-Vashoth,’ he spat grimly.

Normally Bull would have just punched his lights out, but the words were like knives in his gut and he grabbed him and viciously threw him over the battlements.

‘Yeah yeah, my soul’s dust, yours is scattered all over the ground though so… ugh!’ he groaned with more than just the pain from his wound.

Suddenly aware of Kirah’s rapid breathing behind him, Bull turned. ‘Sorry, boss, I thought I might need back up. Guess I’m not even worth sending professionals for.’

She couldn’t know how disappointed he was, but she was wearing an odd expression on her face, like any minute she might tear him a new one, but also turn on her heels and run.

‘You  _knew_  the assassins were coming?’ she cried.

‘Little change in the guard rotation tipped me off,’ he replied steadily.

‘Why didn’t you tell me ahead of time?’

He knew he’d done wrong, but he didn’t really care right now. He grumpily explained about the difficulty of hiding her expressions – which she was doing a terrible job of right now, even if he couldn't quite read what they meant.

‘What if they’d used poison?’ she asked.

‘Oh they definitely used poison. Saar-qamek, liquid form,’ he explained. Worry flashed across Kirah’s face. Bull quickly explained he’d been taking the antidote ahead of time.

Strangely calm Kirah asked, ‘Are you interested in getting some payback?’

 _What a question,_ Bull thought. _She really doesn’t understand._

‘Against who? The entire Ben-Hassrath? Besides, this wasn’t serious. Sending two guys with blades against  _me_? That’s not a hit. That’s a formality. Just making it clear I’m Tal-Vashoth.’

Bull paced a little, the sickening realisation finally dawning on him. _I’m…_

‘Tal-Va-fucking-shoth,’ he growled.

Kirah actually winced. _What is wrong with her?_ Bull wondered.

‘You don’t need to say Tal-Vashoth like it’s an insult,’ she retorted.

_But it fucking is. She should know that by now._

‘This isn’t about you, boss,’ Bull countered, irritated.

‘But I’m Tal-Vashoth too, just like you.’

Bull tried to explain. He didn’t mean to insult her, but this was incredibly painful. What would the Tamassran’s think? _His_  Tamassran, the one who always laughed at his antics and kissed him on the cheek when they were alone?

‘Hey, you’re a  _good_  man. If the Ben-Hassrath don’t see that, it’s their loss.’

Her words felt so empty to his ears, even though he knew they came from a good place.

‘Thanks, boss,’ Bull replied quietly.

She’d always been kind to him, ribbing him like anyone else of course, but kind. He knew she trusted him and wanted to deserve that trust. He scanned her face. If he wasn’t mistaken there was real hysteria bubbling up there, but he couldn't help her right now. She turned away.

‘Boss?' Bull called out to her. 'Whatever I miss, whatever I regret… this is where I want to be. Whenever you need an ass kicked, The Iron Bull is with you.’

Bull was relieved, he actually meant it. He turned away, needing to clear his head.

 

***

 

Leliana had been surprisingly calm and understanding. Bull suspected she’d even known there were assassins in the hold, but she certainly wouldn’t divulge that to him, and especially not to Cullen. _I should go and debrief him_ , Bull thought. He was going to wrap this up properly and then muddy his thoughts with as much drink as he could find.

 

***

 

Cullen was being too nice. Bull deserved a kick up the ass for not warning them. What if the guards had been killed or an innocent bystander who happened to uncover their plot? He said so as much and saw Cullen’s jaw tighten. Bull realised he was trying to be polite, and also strangely quiet. The reason why became apparent as he heard a creaking behind him and saw Kirah descending the ladder from Cullen’s chambers.

Her clothes were slightly rumpled and she had that just woken face while still managing to look exhausted. Bull’s stomach lurched. So, they were sleeping together after all. _Why did that bother him?_

Bull realised he was staring and turned to Cullen, ‘I didn’t realise you had company,’ he said with as much nonchalance as he could muster.

‘I was just taking a nap. Please carry on,’ Kirah's voice urged behind him.

‘Bull was debriefing me about what happened, and to remind me of the breach in security. I told him you’d already dressed me down for that,’ Cullen explained.

Kirah nodded and then left without another word. 

***

 

Bull marched with purpose towards the Herald’s Rest, determined to blot this all out with alcohol and sex. _Vashedan_. If only he was still part of the Qun, he’d turn himself in to the re-educators. His head and heart were reeling with a turbulent mass of thoughts and emotions. He was bitterly disappointed the Ben-Hassrath sent only human assassins. He was disappointed that Kirah and Cullen were fucking. He was angry at being Tal-Vashoth… angry at Kirah for not understanding. He felt a deep despair at what he would be now without the Qun… but he was oddly relieved he was no longer straddling two worlds… Then there was guilt because of the lost Qunari and poor Gatt… and even guilt for not feeling guiltier…

 

***

 

It took nearly a barrel of something called _Cabot’s Revenge_ to dull the edges of Bull’s pain. Krem and Grim had joined him for a bout of drinking in near silence. No one bothered them. Bull was deeply grateful they understood his need to restrict the conversation.

Another flagon later and Annabelle, the red head with the great rack, was giving Bull the eye from behind the bar. He dragged himself up and wandered over.

‘I’m finishing my shift now, if you’d like some company,’ she said seductively.

_Holy yes._

‘Sure,’ he responded with a smile. ‘I wanna get some air, meet me outside?’

The cold air was a welcome slap in the face. Bull staggered around the corner, and leaned heavily against the cool stone. He was drunk, and needed to clear his head if he wanted to take Annabella to bed safely. And he _really_ needed to lose himself in a big pair of tits and a warm-

Annabella rounded the corner, eyes bright in the moonlight. She stroked Bull’s arm. Her touch so soft. She smelled of oranges and Orlesian brandy, an intoxicating mix. For a moment, Bull wondered how they got oranges all the way to Skyhold, but then the red-head pressed herself against him and drove all fruit-related thoughts from his mind. He grabbed her around her waist with one hand, the other still grasping his tankard, and bent down to capture her lips.

Annabella moaned against him and he growled with pleasure. He was getting hard and she felt it. She pulled away breathless and started giggling.

A close cough interrupted them. Kirah was standing a few paces away. Bull straightened.

‘Oh hey, boss,’ he grinned. Turning to Annabella, ‘Can you give us a moment? Maybe make yourself useful and refill this,’ he commanded cheekily and slapped her on the rump as she skipped away.

‘I’m glad you’re here actually, I wanted to talk to you,’ Bull said, rubbing the back of his neck. Bolstered by the alcohol, he wanted to address earlier events.

‘Sure,’ Kirah replied, shifting uneasily.

Inexplicably, Bull wanted to reach out and touch her. ‘I know you were surprised by the ambush,’ Bull said softly. ‘But I kind of got the impression there was more to your reaction than shock.’

Kirah took a deep breath. She looked vulnerable and he _needed_ her to know she could rely on him.

‘It’s OK, you don’t have to talk about it. I just want you to know that if you ever do, I’m here for you.’

Bull heard Kirah exhale, saw her relax. _Good._ He also wanted her to know he knew about the Commander. Perhaps that would put a stop to those confusing flirtatious comments…

‘Of course, you’ve got the Commander,' he continued. 'But if it’s a Qunari thing, you know where to come.’

Kirah looked confused, ‘The Commander?’ she asked.

He smiled. ‘I know you two are… close. That’s all,’ Bull explained gently.

‘Er… he is a lovely chap, but I doubt...’ Kirah paused. Then laughed, ‘You think we’re lovers?’

 _Why is this funny?_ ‘It’s all right, I won’t tell anyone,’ Bull replied, a little offended she didn't trust him.

‘Some Ben-Hassrath you are… were, oh shit, sorry,’ Kirah stumbled.

It stung a little, but her face was a picture. Bull shook his head and smiled.

Kirah studied him for a moment. ‘We’re not together, Bull, if that’s what you’re getting at.’

The Vashoth laughed and started to walk back to the great hall. She turned to shout over her shoulder, ‘Besides, I like my men with horns.’

 _Hot damn._ Bull stood open-mouthed for a moment. Then he felt a little dizzy and leaned back heavily against the wall. Annabella appeared again with two mugs of ale. But the Inquisitor's presence, and her words...

‘Er… listen ‘Bella. I’ve got an early start tomorrow and I’m really fucking drunk. Mind if we... don’t do this tonight?’

Annabella pouted, clearly put out, but she was a reasonable sort. ‘Boss riding you hard again, Bull?’ she asked, empathising because of some imagined gruelling task that awaited him tomorrow.

Bull felt his mouth go dry. ‘Uh-huh,’ was all he could manage.


	7. Riding the Bull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Iron Bull is waiting for Kirah Adaar. He’s got the hints now he wants to see if she’s willing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, it’s a long one – pun intended. Swapping perspectives between The Iron Bull and Kirah Adaar, we experience their first sexual escapade.
> 
> There are a few bits of dialogue from the game in this scene, so thanks as always to Bioware. And if you haven't played the game, maybe hold off reading till then.
> 
> Alert: there is a bit of roughhousing in this one. It's completely consensual - and hot.

Bull sat at the edge of the Inquisitor’s four poster bed, his hands patting and tapping the embroidered covers as he waited for her. She’d been a tough one to read, but what she said a few nights ago… preferring men with horns… it was _on_.

It was a beautiful big room, so full of light, with a killer view, the perfect setting for what Bull had in mind. He felt a deep pull of excitement in his gut and breathed in and out slowly to ground himself. Kirah might well turn him down when she fully understood what he was offering.

_But if she didn’t…_

Damn, it was all he’d been thinking about for the last few days... and nights. Naturally, he'd get some big-ass kicks from this, but Bull wanted to do this for _her_. She couldn’t know how grateful he was for her support on the Storm Coast, for helping him save his Chargers. He knew he could never pay her back, but he could help her forget her burdens, hell, he could make her forget _everything_ for a few hours. Kirah deserved someone who could give her what she needed in the bedroom. A fumble with some eager soldier wasn’t going to cut it and her lover had to be discreet. It wouldn’t do to have her reputation as the Herald of Andraste sullied by a man who couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Bull knew he was the one who could give her all that, and more.

Bull heard the turn of the door handle, then a creak and footsteps. Reading an official-looking document, Kirah appeared at the top of the staircase, starting when she saw him.

‘So listen,’ Bull began rising from the bed. ‘I’ve caught the hints. I get what you’re saying. You want to ride the Bull.’

The Inquisitor tossed her file onto the floor, a smile lifting the corner of her mouth.

‘Can’t say I blame you,’ he continued. ‘But I’m not sure you know what you’re asking. Not sure you’re ready for it.’

‘Oh I’m ready for it,’ Kirah drawled, eyes bright.

Bull continued to advance towards her, her eagerness an utter turn-on. ‘See you say that, but… you really don’t know what that means.’

‘Are we gonna do this or not?’ Kirah challenged. Her sultry smile nearly undoing Bull's control.

Bull knew he’d have to show her what he meant before he got too carried away. Moving close, he grasped both her arms and pulled them above her head, pushing her against the wall. Kirah gasped and, looking him dead in the eye, commanded, ‘A little slower and a lot harder.’

_Oh yes._

Feeling the growing heat in his belly, Bull gave his prize a slow smile and grabbed her around the waist, swinging her, as though they were ballroom dancing, over to the four-poster bed. He playfully pushed her onto the mattress. She looked back at him exhilarated, before rising to undo his leather belt. Bull pushed her back with one hand so that she fell back onto the bed, laughing. She got up again and got pushed back again.

‘You stay there. And watch,’ he commanded.

***

Kirah finally obliged. She lay back, propped up on her arms to watch him slowly undress, already feeling a little breathless. She’d wanted this from the first moment she’d seen him on the Storm Coast beach, muscles slick from the rain as he swung his huge axe through a bunch of ‘vints. _Holy fuck, he was big and powerful._ Being one of the few female Qunari outside the homeland, meant she was bigger than most of the men she encountered. Undoubtedly, it had put a few potential lovers off while many more had seen her as something of a fetish. Kirah hadn’t met many of her kind, aside from those in her merc band, and of course the Arvaarad all those years ago… but she didn’t want to think about that now. She wanted this. Maker, she _needed_ it.

The Inquisitor watched quietly as Bull’s leather harness slid through its buckles and a huge arm to land on the floor. The belt followed after and the thick flamboyant trousers crumpled to the ground, leaving a pair of soft shorts. Kirah momentarily felt shy. She’d had sex before plenty of times, but it had been a while, and this would be her first time with a Qunari. Over-shadowed by his hugeness she felt more vulnerable, and womanly, than ever before.

Kirah bit her lip and started to rise again. She wanted to rub the fabric of his shorts where the intimidating bulge was forming. Bull raised his hand and she stayed where she was, heart beating faster as he peeled his smalls down, letting his cock spring out. She swallowed. It wasn’t as long as an _actual_ bull’s, but it was proportionate - thick and dark and... _How did the tiny serving girls take all that?_ Bull seemed to read her mind and chuckled wickedly.

‘Still want to ride the Bull?’ he asked.

Kirah nodded emphatically. Desire and fear roiled in her gut and she felt the urge to fight, run, squeeze. When Bull put a knee onto the bed she leaned into those urges. Grinning, she slid off the other side of the bed escaping his grasp.

‘Oh ho,’ Bull laughed, taking her cue to be chased. He swung himself across the bed surprisingly quickly for his size. Kirah yelped excitedly, goosebumps everywhere. Lunging forward, she tripped and found herself pinned backwards against the desk by Bull’s powerful arms. Things were tumbling onto the floor, but she couldn’t seem to care. All her concerns left her heart.

Her wild energy needed release. She lurched forward managing, in a rough slapping and pulling and a twist of her torso, to escape from Bull’s grasp for a moment. But he caught her again and pressed her against the wall _with his naked body._ She could feel the heat of his hard dick through her still clothed backside and ground against it. In response he grasped one of her horns and yanked it backwards. The blatant display of dominance made her groan.

***

‘Are you alright?’ Bull breathed, immediately releasing his grip.

‘No,’ came the moaned reply.

 _Fuck._ Bull gently turned Kirah around. Before he had a chance to grasp what was happening, one of her legs swiped his from under him. He fell on his back with a thud, Kirah immediately straddling him, victorious, eyes ablaze.

‘I’ve got you now,’ she purred, holding onto  _his_  horns this time, pinning his head to the ground.

_Damn._

Bull hoped she’d be up for some roughhousing. He’d never been able to do it with any non-Qunari women for fear of causing them serious harm. Folding himself up in one swift move while she was still on his lap, Bull effectively trapped Kirah between his knees and chest. She wriggled and couldn’t escape, drawing a grin from him before he pressed his lips to hers insistent and full. Kirah returned the kiss, opening her mouth to receive his tongue and sucking hard. Bull felt a surge in his cock, like lightning as she licked and probed, all saliva and passion.

Bull ripped open Kirah’s jacket, sending clasps all over the room. He tugged it off her arms and took in the sight of her simple silk and bone bustier, a rack like hers needed some decent support, and her tanned full cleavage was a sight to behold. Bull leaned forward and buried his head into it, as Kirah threw her head back. He breathed in her amazing scent and sucked and nibbled her skin. Somehow he untied the back fastenings and flung the bustier over his shoulder before pausing for a moment, drinking her in.

‘Still want to ride the Inquisitor?’ Kirah asked playfully.

‘Fuck yes,’ he growled.

Her full, heavy breasts hung lower without the bustier. Bull traced his fingers slowly along the outer curves, from the armpit to the front, before cupping them both, feeling their weight. He began gently massaging them, admiring their firmness. The small brown-pink nipples were so delicate, a surprise. He ran his rough thumbs over them and made Kirah quiver before taking one in his mouth, sucking firmly, while the other hand continued to knead its twin. Kirah gasped and ground into him, before starting to struggle again, bucking backwards. Bull raised his head, checking she was OK. She had that hot wild look again, wanted to fight. Safe in the knowledge, Bull merely pulled his legs up further to squeeze her in, reducing her breathing capacity, and pinned both her arms behind her back. He took her other nipple in his mouth and sucked with increasing power.

The moans he pulled from her were almost too much for the big Qunari. He pulled back, took a few breaths and remembered he was here for _her_. He wanted to give her what she needed so he released her arms and lowered his legs a little. Kirah took advantage, standing up in one go, pushing him back. Bull caught her trousers around the waist line and yanked them down, splitting a seam somewhere. Kirah laughed and stepped out of them, giving him a kick in the rump. She strode over to the bed, out of reach, all strong thighs and full hips. Bull glimpsed a damp patch on the crotch her silky underclothes and felt a deep primal urge. He growled and followed her.

Kirah breathlessly rolled over the bed to the other side, putting the mattress between them. Bull reached out to grab her and she slapped his hand away, pulling back.

***

Iron Bull looked dangerous. He wanted to take her badly, Kirah could _feel_ it. She wanted him to take her too, but she needed him to earn it. Needed him to show her his power.

Bull climbed onto the bed slowly, holding her gaze. Kirah pushed herself up straight, backing away, but something about the way he was looking at her held her transfixed. She took in his impressive horns, strong arms, huge thighs... his promising cock. It swayed with his languid movements, the tip wet. It was too late by the time she realised her back was against the wall and in one swift movement he'd pinned her against the stone. Kirah struggled momentarily, but his chest slammed against hers holding her in place. Then Bull captured her mouth and she knew the fight was over.

Big hands caressed her waist, her hips, grabbing the silk of her knickers on one side and then the other, ripping them off. A hot palm cupped her sex, before a calloused thumb lightly rubbed her clit. Kirah moaned.

Bull's pupil was dilated hugely, a small ring of bright blue around it. He moved the hand that had been teasing to grab her left buttock, before sliding down her thigh. He lifted her leg, encouraging her to hook it over his hip and hold it there. He reached down. For a moment, Kirah thought his fingers would return to work their magic, but it was his cock rubbing against her now.

_Maker._

Wet with her juices, he pushed himself slowly inside her, just an inch. She inhaled, _Andraste, he's so big._  

***

Hearing her gasp, Bull knew he had to be careful. He hadn’t prepared her like he normally would, she was a Qunari after all. But he certainly didn’t want to hurt her. _Vashedan._ They hadn’t discussed safe words. It was too late now. She wouldn’t forgive him for pulling out and discussing the finer points of damage control. He’d just be careful, watch her closely. With that, he pushed in a little further clearing his flared head. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._  Bull stilled himself, bringing a hand to knead Kirah’s rump as she stretched around him.   

'Are you alright?' he finally asked, noticing her fingers were digging into him. Bull remained still until she nodded and whispered, _more_. Groaning, he grasped her thigh, hitched high over his and continued to push into her tight slickness, neck straining with control.

Part of him wanted to plunge in and rut like an animal, perhaps another time. Right now, this was wiser - learn her body, what she needs, and the pay-off will be glorious. Fingers tightly gripping her thigh, he pushed himself inside her fully with a grunt, balls nestled against her, his thighs taking all the space between hers. They stayed like that, hearts beating fast. Then Bull crushed his lips into hers and pulled nearly all the way out before sliding home again, chest pressing against her breasts.

She felt amazing, hot and tight around him. Her scent drove him wild, it reminded him of the hottest Tamassrans, mixed with something new... making his toes curl and his dick quiver. He pulled back, bit Kirah’s lip gently then kissed her chin, her cheek, her neck. He swung his pelvis out further before each delicious plunge, steady but relentless.

***

For Kirah every thrust was golden. Bull filled her like nothing she'd ever experienced. It was incredibly satisfying – _to a point_. She needed to touch the little bean between her legs to get her release. Nudging past her lover's powerful hips, she tried to slip her hand between them. Bull grinned, batting her away and drilling into her all the more as she writhed against him. Suddenly, he pulled out completely and spun her around to face the wall. Thankful, Kirah tried to reach down, but Bull pulled both her hands up and held them there with one of his own. For a moment she considered throwing her head back and stabbing him with her horns, but she gathered her senses. There was pain and then there was maiming. Bull used his leg to widen hers apart and entered her from behind in one slick movement.

Kirah moaned loud. Bull was grinding into her now, his pelvis riding her arse so hard they were bumping, scraping against the wall. Kirah yanked one of her hands free and reached down, grazing her knuckles against the stone, squashed as she was, until her middle finger found her magic spot, slick with her juice. She groaned as the warrior pushed inside her just as she touched herself.

Bull let her have more space now she’d won her victory, backing up very slightly with one hand on the wall, the other on her hip. He groaned at the sight of her arm working, pulling out nearly completely and slamming back hard, with increasing speed, his pelvis slapping into her buttocks. The Qunari drove into his mate unrelentingly so she had to remove her finger away from her clit a few times to give herself a breather - and so she could come with him. She knew if she heard him coming it would be enough to send her over the edge.

‘Fuck… Bull… come inside me _now_ …’ she managed.

Bull quickened his pace, grunting and sweating against Kirah's back. It reminded her of the sounds he made during a good fight. Questing would never be the same again. The hitches in his breath signalled how close he was. Kirah only needed to give herself the lightest of touches before she came hard, wailing as she did so. She felt Bull still deep inside her, cock pulsing as he roared.  

***

They stayed like for a few moments, catching their breath. Kirah's forehead rested on one arm against the wall, the other hand reached behind her to grab a handful of Bull's buttock. The warrior nibbled her ear and caressed her hips gently before slowly pulling out. Turning around slowly, Kirah felt warm cum sliding down her inner thigh. Bull put his hand around her waist and guided her to the bed. She needed a bit of help getting a still quivering thigh up onto the mattress before she flopped down with a satisfied sigh.

Bull joined her after a few moments, cloth in hand. He kissed her inner thigh and wiped his juices from her skin. Kirah closed her eyes, warmed by the respectful attention.

'Are you alright?' Bull asked gently, hot breath on her skin. 'I didn't push too hard?'

' _No_ , Maker, no,' she reassured. 'I would have told you or butted you with my horns if you had.' 

Bull laughed and bit her thigh before shifting up the bed to lie beside her.

'That was amazing,' he breathed.

'It really was,' Kirah sighed.

She rolled over, placing her leg over Bull's hip. She traced a pattern on his chest before her movements stilled and they fell asleep.  


	8. Closing Rift and Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few weeks of hot sex and adventuring with the big Qunari, but Kirah tells Dorian this is just a fling - and she means it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One or two lines borrowed from the game, otherwise all my own words. If you have any comments or suggestions, you know what to do :) Thanks SO much for reading - I'm loving seeing the hits and subscribers climb, it brings me such joy.

Kirah felt the pressure growing in her right hand as she pushed against the rift. _Just a few more seconds…_

‘Ugh!’ she groaned as a frosty wallop broke her connection, _again_. Spinning around in the direction of the icy blast, the warrior targeted the despair demon with her grappling chain. The hook hit true and she quickly yanked the creature to her feet, crushing it with her warhammer.

‘Let’s try again,’ she muttered to the rift, lifting her hand to push against the pulsing green mass. A scream to the left alerted Kirah to the presence of _another_ despair demon, but this time a ball of fire reduced it to a green wisp.

‘Ha ha! I could do this all day!’ Dorian declared joyfully.

As the rift closed with a satisfying squelchy blast, the Inquisitor flopped to the ground in mock exhaustion.

‘I’m not sure _I_ could, Pavus,’ she breathed, eyes closed.

The mage stood over her, leaning on his staff. He was soon joined by The Iron Bull and Sera, the latter flopping down beside the Inquisitor. Kirah opened her eyes to see her two favourite men standing over her. Not that she’d tell them that, there’d be no living with them…

‘Give me a minute,’ she groaned.

‘And me!’ screeched Sera as she leapt on top of the Qunari, pretending to ride her.

Bull and Dorian burst out laughing. _The bastards._  

‘Er… I’m being sexually harassed and you find it amusing,’ Kirah moaned. But she didn’t mind. Sera fell off her in a fit of giggles.

Kirah took Bull’s hand when it was offered, letting him pull her to her feet. Even through her glove she could feel his heat and the contours of his powerful palm. Those hands had covered every inch of her in the last few weeks and Kirah smiled at the thought. Bull smiled back knowingly.

‘You know, boss, I think it’s the hammer,’ he proclaimed.

‘What?’ Kirah blinked.

‘You were better off with an axe. There’s less heft. Your skill is in swiping rather than hammering.’

‘You’re probably right,’ Kirah conceded, cricking her neck. She checked Dorian and Sera were out of earshot before adding, ‘ _You’re_ the expert at hammering after all.’

Bull raised an eyebrow and laughed, a hearty guffaw. It made Kirah’s stomach _(or was it lower?_ ) flip.

So many of their fights and adventures became foreplay and sex with the big man was more of a release to her than anything she’d known. He knew how to make her tremble, how to hold back to make the feelings more intense, how to give her pleasure even from pain… She had her own safe word now, _katoh_. Although she knew it should probably be Tal-Vashoth.

The others returned with demon remnants and they crossed the lush greenery of the Emerald Graves to the nearest camp. Kirah knew there’d be no hope of sex that evening, not with the others so close by. She wasn’t ashamed of Bull, but she wanted to keep things private and… light. Bull seemed to be on the same page – no emotional entanglements, just a lot of fun.

 

***

 

Kirah was staring into the dying embers of the fire when Dorian topped up her mug with a little brandy. He said it was ‘to ward off the cold,’ but she suspected it would have been poured even if the weather had been balmy. Bull was chatting to Scout Harding over the other side of the camp and Sera was snoring in her tent.

‘I’m fully aware you and the great lummox are shagging,’ Dorian declared.

Kirah nearly choked on her brandy.

‘What makes you think that?’ she spluttered.

Dorian gave her a withering look.

‘Oh please! It’s the most glaring coincidence that both my drinking buddy and the big ex-Qunari she kept drooling over have been absent from their usual tavern drinking spots for _weeks_. AND I’ve been catching some of those lust-bitten looks you keep giving each other when you think we aren’t watching’.

‘Shhh! OK, yes,’ Kirah conceded reluctantly.

‘Ha! So, even though I’m  _incredibly_ hurt you didn’t tell me yourself, bravo,’ Dorian laughed. ‘So, when can we expect an official Inquisition announcement?’

Kirah stared blankly at the mage, ‘You can’t. Firstly, it’s private and I’d like to keep it that way. And secondly, this isn’t a relationship, Dorian. It’s sex. It’s hot, amazing sex, but it’s still sex.’

Dorian nudged her, ‘Oh come on, remember, I’ve seen the way you two look at each other.’

‘Seriously, Dorian. What you’re seeing is lust and… friendship.’ Kirah breathed into her brandy. She meant it. 

Dorian studied her for a moment.

'Darling, those are the components for a _true_ love story.' He shrugged, ‘But your secret’s safe with me.’

 

***

 

Kirah couldn’t sleep knowing Iron Bull was so close, but unattainable. She knew they couldn’t do anything in these tents, not with the usual racket and activity they generated, but she was so turned on and it was making her squirm. The warrior pulled down her shorts, using her toe to drag them off one leg, and slipped a hand under the covers to relieve some of the tension. After only a few minutes her muscles were twitching. She was close when a sudden waft of cool air made her sit bolt upright.

‘Who’s there?’ she growled to the darkness.

Suddenly a big hand clamped over her mouth. Bull’s warm, delicious scent filled her nostrils and Kirah immediately relaxed. Keeping his palm where it was, Bull ripped the covers off and pressed down on top of her, spreading her legs with his own. Kirah let out a small moan, stifled by his palm. Bull’s low voice rumbled in her ear, making Kirah tremble.

‘Quiet now, boss. You don’t want everyone to hear you come now do you?’

Bull took her hand and sucked her fingers, tasting the remnants of her foreplay. Chuckling softly, he slid a big hand down her body, stroking her breast, kneading her rump, until he came to her sex. Skilfully opening her folds with his fingers, he pressed himself against her. Kirah gasped as he pushed inside her slowly and completely, groaning softly in her ear.

‘Nice of you to pave the way, Kirah,’ Bull muttered approvingly. 

 _Kirah._ She loved the sound of her name on his lips. He always called her boss or Inquisitor in public. Kirah was reserved for these more intimate moments…

They’d never been this quiet or this limited in movement before and it was almost too much. Bull rocked against her, his breathing increasingly shallow in her ear, interspersed with small low growls. His pelvis was grinding into hers, continuing where her foreplay had left off. He filled her so completely. As he rocked inward he pressed into her cervix and that soft insistent pushing was driving Kirah wild. They couldn’t be any closer right now, skin on skin, sliding against one another. She came then, her mind wiped clean of all thought, gasping against Bull’s heavy palm. Bull continued to rock, face buried in Kirah’s neck for a few moments, before he stiffened and shuddered inside her.

Kirah could feel Bull's heart hammering against her. For a moment she felt something profound but indefinable. A deep affection for the big Qunari. ‘ _It’s hot, amazing sex, but it’s still sex,’_ she’d told Dorian and she’d meant it. There was no room for anything else. Suddenly she felt too warm and Bull’s weight had become a burden. She pushed him lightly and he took the hint without question, gently moving off her. Silently he pulled on his trousers, squeezed her calf as a goodbye and disappeared into the night.

Kirah lay back, grateful, satiated. She wasn’t looking for a romance, and neither was Bull. It was perfect as it was.  


	9. An Inquisitor's Burden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iron Bull, Kirah Adaar and Krem hang out in the Herald's Rest. Krem's been placing bets on who Bull is sleeping with...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little musing because I can't help myself - this is taking over my life.

Of all the requests Kirah Adaar had received since becoming Inquisitor this was the lamest. Josephine had apologised, and tried to explain why her already rich family were trying to reclaim their former glory, but the Qunari resented the energy she had to expend to get it done.

Most of the personal quests she’d undertaken for her party had been relevant to the Inquisition’s overall goal, whether that was Dorian’s suggestion to kill the Ventatori, Bull’s alliance with the Qunari or even Sera’s strange Red Jenny antics. This, however, felt incredibly self-serving.

It wasn’t that Kirah didn’t like Josephine. She was a wonder with the nobles and rather sweet, but she came from a totally different world and it irritated Kirah that despite everything Josephine had seen and done, not only did she continue to place importance on these ridiculous matters, she still seemed like an innocent doe-eyed maiden.

‘Ah, but she’s a master at bending those stiff nobles to our cause,’ Bull said unhelpfully, later that evening in the Herald’s Rest.

Kirah frowned at him and raised her tankard to her lips, hoping Leliana’s spies couldn’t hear over the general buzz.

‘You see my point though, right?’ she pressed.

‘Yeah,’ Bull smiled. ‘It’s a pain in the ass. And normally I’d say it wasn’t your job to go running around after everyone…’

He paused. Kirah leant forward, ‘Yes?’

‘But, well, you’ve kind of made your own bed,’ Bull said honestly. ‘And it’s a great bed that everyone wants to play in…’ he laughed at Kirah’s confusion. ‘I mean, look, you ask people all these questions, get to know them, come across as the most down-to-earth leader in the history of all Thedas, and you wonder why they keep pulling at your sleeves.’  

 _Of course._ She’d made the rookie mistake, being everyone’s friend rather than distancing herself. She’d never been good at being aloof and she couldn’t deny that not only did she enjoy being around people, it got great results. Her men, whether in the Valo-Kas company, or in Skyhold, were immensely loyal.

‘Vashedan,’ she groaned.

Bull gave a hearty laugh and slapped a big hand on her shoulder. Kirah smiled despite herself.

‘Sorry to interrupt. I’m doing the rounds, want another?’ Krem asked, having wandered over from drinking with the Chargers.

Bull rose, ‘Take a seat, Krem de la Krem. I’ll get these.’

Krem say down gratefully next to Kirah, ‘Thanks, Chief.’

Krem had been on his feet all day, taking the Chargers through a training session in the valley outside Skyhold. It had given Bull the time to pen some letters and speak to Leliana and Josephine about some damage control. Even though Bull was now Tal-Vashoth, there were a small number of favours he could still call in. Or at least try to.

Krem looked a little mischievous as he watched Bull leave.

‘The serving girls, and a few of the healers, have been wondering why Bull’s not as _rampant_ as he used to be…’ he began.

Kirah’s eyes widened, she didn’t like where this was going. _Why did she have to be so damn approachable?_

‘So the Chargers have been taking bets on what else, or _who_ else, he could be doing in his spare time,’ Krem continued. 

‘Oh?’ Kirah asked innocently.

‘Skinner reckons it’s Dorian. Dalish has put good money on Cassandra,’ Krem paused. ‘And  _I_ think… it’s you.’

_Vashedan._

First Dorian, now Krem. Was it that ‘vints had greater perception than other folk or, as she suspected, it was because these were the two closest allies she and Bull had? She realised there was no point in denying it and smiled wryly.

‘When you win, you’d better buy me some decent beer.’

Krem laughed and slapped his thigh.

‘But, promise me,’ Kirah continued. ‘That you’ll keep your mouth shut for a while longer. I don’t really want this going public...yet.’ _If at all._

‘Sure, boss,’ Krem nodded. ‘For what it’s worth, I think you’re good for the big idiot. We were worried after what happened with the Qunari alliance, but since he’s stopped shagging barmaids and… well, he’s been a hell of a lot happier.’

Kirah looked down at her drink and smiled. It made her heart lift that she was helping Bull, but she wondered if it would have been wiser for him to carry on with the other girls. She couldn't deny that her ego received a boost when he announced only _she_ would have his full attention.

 _Ah well._ Perhaps she could suggest it later. She didn't want either of them to rely on each other too much and risk muddying their friendship. Kirah had seen the devastating consequences of settling down and refused to repeat her parents' mistakes.

 


	10. Burned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor has told Bull to bed other people. Bull doesn't know why, but he's game. Kirah knows it's for the best, but that doesn't make it easy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so we're beginning to see some issues come up here for our beloved Inquisitor. 
> 
> A warning: there's a hint of self-harm here. It's not explicit, but might be a trigger. It's not gratuitous in any way, merely an expression of Kirah's inner turmoil. 
> 
> I really should get back to work but I want to know what happens, don't you? :)

‘Er… whatever you say, boss,’ Bull replied. He was a little perplexed about Kirah’s suggestion that he sleep with other women, but he wasn’t going to argue. The woman knew her own mind, one of the many things he admired about her. She’d been insistent they carry on with their physical escapades, that she wasn’t saying, ‘katoh’, so at least he still got to have amazing sex with her.

The Qunari’s Ben-Hassrath training hadn’t been fool-proof where she was concerned, but he could tell she was putting up a few barriers, _outside_ the bedroom. He didn’t want to pry, his aim was to help her in whatever way he could. Sex with her blew his mind. The idea of going back… well, even that red-head, Annabella would pale in comparison now.

***

Kirah paced around the war table. It was late and she couldn’t sleep so here she was looking at Cullen’s maps and… _damn it._

Kirah’s innards were squirming. She’d gone to the Herald’s Rest to give Bull the nod to slip away and he hadn't been there. Dalish drunkenly informed her he’d gone to his quarters with no less than _three_ giggling women. Krem caught her eye, confused. For a moment he looked like he was going to speak, but Kirah didn’t want to discuss it and got out of there as fast as she could.

She'd _told_ him to do this, but now... Now she stood in the cold war room, unable to distract herself from thoughts of other women all over _her_ Bull.

At the end of the table there was a cluster of candles, melting together at the base. Kirah gazed into their flickering light before walking towards them, tracing her fingers across the wood. Her rapid breathing began to slow as she lightly swept her hand across the flames, feeling their faint warmth. She paused, then held her hand over them a moment longer… hot but bearable. Inhaling deeply, she held her hand still, nose twitching as the pain began to grow, taking the edge off the pain in her gut. Qunari could take more pain than most, what with their thick skins and greater tolerance to heat. Kirah knew she wanted to go beyond that tolerance and stared into the bright flame until it was all she could see.

***

Annabella lay between Bull’s thighs rubbing the trousers over his bulge. Clara was taking off her clothes in a slow strip tease and Bonny was sitting in a chair, mask over her eyes, hands down her skirt. Bull smiled, he didn’t know where to look. He’d originally planned on lying about having sex as he no longer had the energy, or the inclination, to go around fucking all comers. He’d hoped the small white lie would appease whatever kinkfest, or need to distance herself, was going on in Kirah’s world right now. But the moment he failed to brush off Clara’s advances in the Herald's Rest, the ladies were all over him like bees around embrium and a familiar desire inflamed his loins.

Naked now, Clara slid onto the bed and began kissing Bull’s right nipple while Annabella was working out how to undo his belt. This was probably the best way to make up for non-Inquisitor sex, Bull thought, lots of hands...

Then Krem burst into his chamber.

‘Argh, my eyes!’ Krem wailed, half-joking.

‘What the fuck, Krem?’ Bull shouted as the women screamed and scattered under covers and behind furniture.

‘Chief, I… need to talk to you,’ Krem urged.

Although irked, Bull knew Krem wouldn’t interrupt like this if it wasn’t important.

‘OK, ladies, show’s… postponed. Please accept my sincere apologies,’ he grumbled, getting up and straightening his trousers. And then to Krem, ‘Let’s take this outside.’

Krem rubbed the back of his neck as they walked along the ramparts, trying to think of what to say. Bull studied him for a moment. He watched Annabella’s round ass saunter away below them and crossed his bulky arms over his chest.

‘This better be good, Krem,’ he rumbled dangerously.

‘I don’t get it,’ Krem began. ‘Why are you trying to bed these other women when you’ve got the Inquisitor?’

Bull stared, surprised, ‘How did you-‘

‘Hello? I know you, you big oaf, Krem interrupted. ‘And I kind of confirmed it with her.’

Bull’s eyes widened.

‘Answer my question,’ Krem demanded.

‘It’s none of your business Krem,’ Bull breathed.

‘Do you _want_ to bed other women?’ the young man persisted.

It was Bull’s turn to rub the back of his neck now, as he began to pace. He was very proud of his discretion so he wasn't about to reveal this was all at Kirah’s behest.

‘No, not really,’ he conceded.

‘Good,’ Krem said, relieved. ‘Because I don’t think she wants you to either.’

Bull’s head snapped round, ‘What?’

In the moonlight, Bull’s large form, replete with huge horns, looked particularly menacing. Krem trod carefully.

‘She came looking for you earlier. Dalish told her you’d gone off with the ladies and, well, she didn’t seem surprised, but she did look… perturbed. Agh... I’m sorry I interrupted you but I just thought it would be a mistake if you… you know.’

Bull sagged a little, ‘Yeah… thanks Krem, thanks for letting me know.’   

Krem nodded, his eyes shining a little in the moonlight, then he turned on his heels and left.

Bull stared after him for a moment, trying to process this. Anger welled in his gut, with both himself and with Kirah. He threw a punch into the cold stone wall.

***


	11. The Cracks Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mixed messages and confusion abound as Kirah's two favourite men experience the fallout from her actions.

Bull got to the Great Hall as soon as he could. Early breakfasts were not his thing, but they were Kirah's and every moment since Krem interrupted his antics last night, he felt a deep need to tell her nothing had happened. It was a lot busier than he was used to, but, like him, she towered over most people and was easy to spot.   

‘Hey, good morning,’ Bull began, sidling up to her.

‘Morning,’ Kirah responded blankly, meeting his eye briefly. She reached for the bread with a bandaged hand and winced.

‘What did you do to your hand?’ Bull asked concerned, reaching his own bruised digits out to hers.

‘Nothing,’ Kirah mumbled as she pulled back quickly. Not quick enough, however, as Bull grabbed her wrist. The Inquisitor shot him a look, a warning. _Back off or be stabbed with a fork._  Bull held on for a second longer before letting her go.

‘I think we should talk,’ he began.

‘This really isn’t the time, Bull,’ Kirah growled and walked away to a far table.

‘Sure, boss,’ Bull conceded, walking in the opposite direction.

 

***

 

Bull tried to speak to Kirah all day. First she was in the war room with her advisors, then she was talking to the traders, then sparring with Cassandra until he lost trace of her altogether. As darkness fell, he resigned himself to the fact he wasn’t going to get his chance. Stepping heavily up the stairs to his chambers, he was vaguely aware of determined footsteps behind him and turned round. Dorian was advancing with ominous purple energy throbbing around his palms.

‘How could you?!’ he snarled at Bull.

‘Whoa… what?’ Bull asked, hands raised in defence.

‘I knew you’d be a brute, but _this,’_ the air around the mage crackled menacingly. Bull knew he’d have to select his next words wisely.

‘Dorian,’ he said slowly. ‘I can see you’re upset, but I don’t know what you’re talking about… Calm down and tell me what I’ve done.’

The mage frowned and then spluttered, ‘Kirah’s hand!’

Bull's ignorance was obvious because Dorian visibly deflated and, thankfully, the purple orbs fizzed away.

‘OK,’ conceded Dorian pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. ‘You clearly haven’t the faintest clue what I’m talking about, have you?’

Bull shrugged. ‘Er... let's do this somewhere more discreet. Come to my quarters and tell me about it,’ he asked.

They marched up the stairs and entered Bull’s room. Dorian looked up at the hole in the roof and sniffed. Bull shook his head and poured a glass of one of Cabot’s concoctions for each of them while the mage sat down gingerly on a chair.

‘Kirah came to me this afternoon asking if I would help heal her hand,’ Dorian began. ‘It was bandaged and when I unravelled it… it was badly burned.’

Bull stared at him.  _Burned._ ‘Did you ask her what happened?'

' _Of course_ I did, but she told me she fell in a fire which is frankly absurd.'

 _'Why_ would you think I had anything to do with that?’ Bull asked incredulously.

The mage paused as if weighing his next words. ‘Mercifully I don’t know anything about your sex-capades, but I imagine they're a little rougher than the average non-Qunari coupling, yes?’

Bull frowned. _Why does everyone seem to know about us?_ ‘Yeah…’ he mumbled.

‘Well, I assumed there would be controlled exercises in pain and delayed gratification… Stop me if I’m on the wrong track?’

Bull could swear Dorian was enjoying this. ‘Hmm…mm,’ he grunted.

‘Ergo I assumed that you might have been involved. Look, now it seems a little ridiculous, I'll admit. I’m not sure how she did it, perhaps it was an accident with some cooking apparatus, but her hand was badly burned and would have been very painful. That’s why I was angry. To be honest, I’m not sure why she waited so long to come to me, but you horned beasts are a lot tougher than us. Less stylish, but certainly tougher.’

After a few moments of silence, Bull inhaled deeply. ‘I’ll talk to her… when I can find her. But I have to ask, _mage,_ had you intended to fry me earlier with your crazy purple hands?’

Dorian smirked and shrugged.

 _What is it with these ‘vints?_ Bull thought. _So damn dramatic._ But he was glad someone else was looking out for Kirah, she had quite the loyal following.

 

_***_

 

Bull entered Kirah’s chambers. He vowed if she still wasn’t there, he’d stay until she turned up, no matter how long that was. But as he reached the top stair he saw her, leaning against a door frame looking out over the mountains.

‘Hey boss,’ he said softly.

Without turning she answered, ‘Oh hey, are you alright?’

‘I’m good. It’s you I’m worried about.’

Kirah turned to face him, for a moment it looked like she might try to brush him off, but she merely sighed. ‘I shouldn’t have asked you to sleep around, Bull.’

‘So why did you?’ he asked, walking towards her.

‘It’s complicated,’ she groaned sliding down the door frame to sit on the floor.

‘I didn’t sleep with anyone,’ Bull stated firmly. When Kirah frowned in disbelief, he explained how he didn’t really want to do it in the first place, that he’d considered making up stories and recounted Krem bursting in on his harem, sending the ladies screaming.

The woman laughed softly, visibly relieved. ‘It's completely my fault. I would have been fine if we started this thing as an open relationship, but I suppose I left it too late and, well, I don’t want to share you.’

Bull felt something warm in his gut at her words, but she looked exhausted, vulnerable and he pushed it aside. He was angry at himself for not seeing this coming. _Why can't I read her as well as everyone else?_ Annoyingly, Kirah seemed to read _him_ well.

‘It’s not your fault. I’m amazingly talented at hiding my emotions, even from myself.’

Bull frowned as realisation dawned. Clearing his throat, he nodded at her now healed hand. ‘Did you… do that to yourself?’

Kirah’s face fell. 

‘You need to tell me everything, _kadan_ ,’ he said softly.


	12. Old Hurts, New Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirah reveals her devastating past. But what does this mean for her relationship with Bull?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks SO much for reading my story so far, for the kudos, comments and subscriptions - it's brought me a lot of joy each morning (who am I kidding - every couple of hours ;)). And, as always, if you have any thoughts, comments or messages, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Kirah inhaled deeply from her position on the floor. Bull sunk down beside her and waited.

‘My parents were killed by the Arvaarad,’ she announced quietly.

Bull stared, wide-eyed. He’d worked with the Tal-Vashoth hunters before and knew well how vicious they could be.

‘We constantly moved around the Free Marches to make sure we were never caught by hunters. But my parents knew I wanted to be with other children so we settled in a community along the Minanter River. I finally got to make some friends and my parents seemed to enjoy their new-found stability. My Qunari mother, however, was always alert, suspicious of anyone new passing through. I used to complain about her paranoia... but in the end it was well-founded.’

Kirah gave a wry smile, took a deep breath. 

‘They broke into our home late one night. Mama told me to run to a nearby farmstead and managed to lower me out the window, but I didn’t manage two paces before a Qunari grabbed me by the throat. He threw me back into the house. I still remember him shouting ‘Tal-Va- _fucking_ -shoth!’’

Bull winced. He’d used that term liberally since becoming a Ben-Hassrath, and most certainly in front of Kirah.

‘He was trying to choke me, but Mama stabbed him in the back. She was retching... I realise now she must have been cut by a poison blade. She just had time to grab me and shove me out the door, before another appeared behind her. I tried to run like she said, but the Arvaarad had damaged my back and I... passed out halfway across a field.'

This particular memory made Kirah's voice catch and she rubbed her hand in thought.

'When I came to it was dawn. One of the farmhands, Connor, spotted me. When I told him what happened, he gathered everyone from the community and they descended on our home. Maker bless them, they all grabbed whatever tools and weapons they could find.

When we got back the house was quiet. Connor came out and told me the hunters, three in total, were already dead... but so were my parents.’

Kirah swallowed. Heart heavy, Bull knew that precious few Tal-Vashoth succeeded, or even tried, to make good and healthy lives for themselves outside the Qun, but some  _had_  existed. He remembered the Arvaavad never made the distinction between the two. Had he? His lover looked at him tenderly, but he couldn't meet her gaze.

‘I know full well how deeply it affected me and I’ve dealt with it... truly. But I don’t think I realised what a liaison like ours would bring up. I've had flings plenty of times in the past and kept it light, but I suppose I... care for you... more... and it's become a trigger for these weird feelings.'

Bull felt a deep pull in his gut at her words. He wanted to tell her he cared for her too, but the words didn't come.  _I'm unworthy._

Kirah's brows knitted together as she pushed through. 'Bull, I want to continue being with you, but I’m very... resistant to this becoming a relationship, so I'm a little conflicted.' She gave him a wry smile. 'I know you're not asking for anything deeper... but... if... well,' she scratched the base of a horn. 'Clearly, I don’t have much hope for Tal-Vashoth relationships, or putting down any roots.'

Iron Bull had no concept of what that would look like outside the Qun. Qunari didn't do those kinds of relationships.

Kirah paused. 'I thought by letting you bed others and making things more open, I could somehow diffuse our connection, that I wouldn’t care. But in reality I couldn’t deal with it and felt I couldn’t tell you so... I hurt myself.  I don’t expect you to understand, but trust me when I say I won’t do it again any time soon.’

‘I do understand, Kirah,’ Bull said softly. ‘I’ve hurt myself too, in other ways, to distract from the real pain. I went to the re-educators remember? I’ve also drunk an obscene amount, even for me, hell, even for Dorian, since the Storm Coast.'

Kirah nodded, clearly relieved. Bull shifted closer to her. When he spoke next his voice was hoarse.

'I’m so sorry that happened to you and your parents, kadan. It’s horrible, and it’s… unforgivable,' Bull placed a hand on her bicep and squeezed lightly. 'And I can’t believe you didn’t have me executed the moment I brought shit up about being Tal-Vashoth.’

‘You weren’t to know,’ Kirah said, smiling faintly. ‘Listen, I realise this is a bit heavy, more intense than you were probably expecting. I don’t want this to end... but I will understand if you-'

Bull turned her chin towards him, making her meet his eye. ‘I’m all good, boss. You want me, I’m here. You don’t, I’m not. I’m yours, for as long as you need me.’

Kirah breathed easier. Bull took the formerly burned hand and kissed it tenderly.


	13. Make Me Safe Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even finding out about the Warden's catastrophic plans hasn't fully distracted the Inquisitor from thoughts of Bull and their last... interaction. Now she has to face him, but will things be the same?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post-confession time for Kirah. Let's see how it pans out...
> 
> Notes: spoilers from a warden quest in the game.

After telling Bull every sad detail of her tragic past, Kirah had fallen asleep in his arms. She'd felt depleted but safe and a little lighter in her heart. Now she woke up feeling bone-tired and deeply embarrassed. Her original plan had been to have hot sex, nothing more, and she suspected he’d had similar goals. Now she’d just laid a big trauma at his feet, with a foreboding idea: they could have sex but she might freak out if her feelings went any deeper. Cringing, she slowly turned over. The bed was empty. _Ah_ c _rap._

* * *

Standing amongst the bodies of Grey Wardens and demons alike, Kirah propped her axe against her shoulder and wiped the sweat from her brow. The fight at the ritual tower hadn’t lasted long, but the implications of what they’d just heard and seen were staggering. Hawke and Stroud were bickering while Blackwall stood silently wearing an even heavier frown than usual.

‘I’m confused,’ said Varric, scratching his head. ‘So the wardens think that by turning themselves into demons they can kill an old god and save us all from future blights?’

‘That’s the measure of it, child of the stone,’ Solas replied.

The dwarf sighed. ‘I get that they’re all noble and big on self-sacrifice. Even Blondie – I mean Anders – had his moments. But, and this is an _immensely_ large but, the cost of this, even without the Corypheus factor, is way too high.’

Solas nodded. ‘I agree. They’re perverting everything they stand for without questioning those who demand it.’

‘You heard the warden at Crestwood, he was questioning Clarel’s judgment just as Stroud is now,’ Blackwall interjected angrily.

‘Alright, everyone,’ Kirah began, voice louder than the growing din. ‘I appreciate that what we’ve just witnessed is… disturbing to say the least. But we aren’t going to solve anything if we argue amongst ourselves.’ 

‘Stroud and I will scout out Adamant and confirm that the other wardens are there,' Hawke declared. 'We’ll meet you back at Skyhold.’ 

Kirah nodded. She’d been impressed by Hawke’s abilities and was glad to fight beside her, however briefly. She’d read Varric’s tales of the Champion of Kirkwall and was pleased to see her prowess had not been (too) exaggerated.

‘Back to Skyhold then?’ the dwarf enquired. Kirah nodded grimly.

* * *

It was a bright afternoon when the party finally entered Skyhold. It had taken them a few days to clear the Western Approach and, despite washing in camps, Kirah could still feel sand in odd places. After debriefing her advisors, the Inquisitor did the rounds, checking up on her inner circle. It warmed her greatly to see them. Luckily, there were no imminent disasters to report, other than the ones they already knew about. The worst incident: Harritt and Dagna had been terrorised by Sera’s bee grenades after an “experiment” had gone wrong.

‘I wanted to mix in some hot pepper powder to really piss off the bees,’ Sera moaned after Kirah gave her short shrift.  

That left The Iron Bull. Fortunately Kirah had entered the Herald’s Rest from the battlements so if she needed to she could slip away unseen. Even the horrific events at the ritual tower hadn't fully distracted her from thoughts of Bull and their last... interaction. Kirah leaned against the banister, steadying herself. She inhaled slowly, willing Maryden's soft instrumental number to soothe her.

‘What was light, I made heavy. Bright now dark. One foot in front of the other, like walking on sand,’ Cole’s voice breathed behind her.

Kirah jumped, before scowling at the spirit.

‘Yes, I know, I’ve ruined everything, thanks Cole for stating the obvious.’

‘Oh those aren’t _your_ thoughts,’ Cole sighed. ‘Well, they are, but they’re his too. You are a mirror and his reflection is you and you are him.’

Kirah frowned. So she’d been right, Bull was put off by her meltdown.

‘No, that’s not what I meant,’ Cole stuttered, hearing her fears as though she’d said them out loud.

‘So, he’s not put off?’ Kirah asked, growing strangely accustomed to this highly unusual way of communicating.

‘No, but he feels heavy, at fault, for bringing up your old hurt. He wants to make it right.’

Kirah squeezed the wooden railing in front of her. That was not what she wanted. He shouldn’t take _any_ blame or responsibility.

‘He-‘ Cole began, but Kirah put her hand up to stop him. She needed to go to Bull _not_ root around in his private thoughts. Cole nodded and disappeared.

***

‘Hey, boss!’ Bull called out when he saw her descending the stairs.

Kirah turned. The warmth of the Qunari’s broad grin immediately melted her fears and cheered her heart. Pulling up a chair she took a sip of his beer and they talked like they always had. She felt herself relaxing at last, but there was still something irritating her.

‘Are you alright?’ Bull asked, as he noticed Kirah shifting awkwardly.

‘I’m still… a little sandy,’ she replied, wrinkling her nose.

‘Yeah… we should fix that, don’t want you chafing in battle.’

‘Care to help me wash it all off?’ she asked hopefully. The sooner she got the big Qunari into bed the better she'd feel.

‘Sure, boss,’ Bull said softly, holding her gaze.

* * *

Short minutes later, Kirah was sinking into the bath she’d ordered while doing her rounds. The water was still warm enough to relax her tired muscles and draw a satisfied ‘ah’ from her throat. She didn’t even realise Bull had come in until she opened her eyes and saw him leaning over the stair railing, admiring her.

Kirah smiled and closed her eyes again. This time she heard Bull walk slowly towards her and sit on the stool by the tub. He slipped a hand into the scented water and caressed a submerged calf, before sliding his fingers up behind her knee and thigh until he came to her cunt. There he gently stroked her folds and her clit with knowing expertise. Dipping a finger just inside her, he teased momentarily before another finger joined the first. He pushed them both slowly until, two thirds in, he hooked them in a ‘come hither’ gesture, rubbing against another sensitive spot. Although Kirah had never come this way, it certainly made her core, and legs, quiver. She gave a long throaty sigh and pushed her chest out as he massaged her. Bull leaned forward and traced his lips across a breast, before licking and sucking at the wet flesh. But then far too soon he pulled his fingers from her and moved away.

Kirah was too dizzy to turn her head as he walked behind her towards the bed. A moment later his hands slipped under her again, strong arms scooping her out of the tub to lie her across the bed on the towel he’d placed there. Preventing her bedcovers from becoming sodden was just the latest of many surprising touches in the last few months. It warmed Kirah to acknowledge of how attentive he was.

Legs dangling off the side of the bed in her horizontal position, Kirah leaned up on her elbows to see what the man was doing. She watched him remove his harness and place a pillow on the floor. Then he knelt carefully, lifting her legs over his shoulders as he captured her nub between his lips and sucked gently. Kirah threw her head back and groaned. _Maker, I’ve missed him._

Kirah made herself open her eyes to watch him. His big horns and head bobbed slightly as he licked vertically, then in swirls, sometimes nibbling, sometimes tonguing, sometimes sucking… Kirah’s vision blurred somewhat, but she scanned the Qunari’s powerful neck and shoulders, clenching her inner muscles at the visual treat. He was so powerful, and yet he was kneeling between her legs giving her _all_ the attention. In moments, Kirah’s orgasm came hard upon her, her thighs quivering against Bull’s cheeks and shoulders.  

Wiping his grinning mouth with the back of this hand, the warrior drew himself up along the length of the Inquisitor's body, pressing his skin to hers. Kirah’s arms snaked down his chiselled form to grab his thick cock. She squeezed and he groaned, kissing her for the first time since their reunion. It was deep, passionate, his tongue pushing into her mouth. She could taste herself mingled with Bull and ale. Kirah breathed into him, pushing her tongue against his, lips crushing together before rolling the large man onto his back.

Kirah straddled her mate and slid down his cock so easily and satisfyingly that it drew deep groans from both of them. Bull snapped his head back, neck straining. Kirah stayed still for a moment with the man deep inside her. She studied him again: those huge pecs with their dark nipples, the hard, battle-scarred torso now a little damp from contact with her still-wet skin. Bull lifted his head and met her gaze, his blue eye dark with want, but patiently waiting for her to move. She smiled and rose gently, beginning a slow, steady slide, using her own inner muscles to grip and release. Bull’s eye rolled back and his hands sought her rump, kneading and pulling as the tension built inside him. Kirah leaned forward, placing her hands on his chest as she increased her speed and depth.

Bull’s hands were on her ass now. One of them slipped between her cheeks, still slick with her own juices and lightly glided over her puckered hole. Kirah bit her lower lip. She wasn’t a fan of anal play as a concept, feeling her tight, slick womanliness enough for any straight man, but… his lingering finger felt strangely pleasant over the sensitive skin. She reassured herself she need only say ‘katoh’ if she wanted him to stop. Yet... part of her wanted to experiment.

Kirah's breath became more ragged as she quickened her pace. Bull bucked up to meet her uneven thrusts. His cock pounded her cervix intermittently and made her cheeks burn. Quickly, she brought a finger to press her slick little bean. At the same time Bull pushed his finger in her ass up to the knuckle. The surprising erotic jolt pushed Kirah over the edge and she came again while Bull slammed upwards with an almighty yell, filling her.

They stayed like that frozen in the moment, breathing, eyes closed. Then Kirah slumped forward onto Bull’s chest with a sigh and felt his big arms fold around her. Whatever issues she had to deal with, whether personal or concerning the whole of sodding Thedas, right now, at least, she felt utterly safe. 


	14. A Trio of Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inquisitor Adaar is: in bed with Bull; at the Winter Palace; then on the dance floor. Is there no end to her talents?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a challenge to write. I didn't want to delve into all the intricacies of the Winter Palace and just re-hash the whole level of the game. So... I've *tried* to neatly summarise it in amongst Kirah's bigger concerns and some lovely interactions between our favourite Qunari. I'd love to know what you think so do feel free to comment.

Bull woke up with Kirah lying on his chest, gently drawing lines and circles on his stomach and hips with her fingertips. He loved it when she did that, making even his tough skin go all sensitive.

‘Sorry, boss, didn’t mean to sleep over,’ he mumbled sleepily. Kirah withdrew, propping herself on her elbow to look at him. Bull missed her closeness immediately, but brought his arms up casually behind his head. _Last thing she needs is me stifling her._

‘Hey, it’s all good,’ she replied with a small smile, now drawing circles on his chest, around the pec muscle closest to her. ‘So, about what you did last night. The… _fingering_ in certain places…’

‘Oh that, sure.’

‘No one’s ever done that to me before. I don’t think I’d want it _all_ the time, but I enjoyed the way you did it.’

A pretty blush had crept across Kirah’s cheeks. Bull unfolded one his arms and began to stroke the base of one of her neatly curling horns.

‘You know what to say if and when you don’t want that, don’t you?’ he asked gently.

‘Yes.’

‘Good. It’s probably not as satisfying… internally… for females as it is for men, in humans anyway, but it’s always worth a shot ‘cause we’re all wired differently.’

‘Yeah… it felt good when you stroked the outside… inside just felt… filthy,’ Kirah giggled. ‘I suppose that’s why I liked it… in that moment.’ She straightened up to fix him with her golden eyes. ‘But I don’t want anything else inside there, at least for now, OK?’

‘You got it.’

Kirah exhaled as though a weight had been lifted. ‘So, you’ve been with men?’ she asked.

Bull raised an eyebrow. ‘A few, does that bother you?’

‘No… as long as you don’t miss being with a man?’

Bull studied her for a moment. He’d never had sex this good with a man _or_ woman, and he wasn’t interested in being with anyone else. The thought startled him. Clearing his throat, he answered, ‘No. Like I said, as long as we’re doing this, you’ve got my complete attention.’

Kirah smiled. ‘So how do Qunari show they’re serious about a relationship?’ she asked.

‘They don’t,’ Bull replied bluntly. ‘We don’t have sex for love. But for someone we really care about there is an old tradition. You find a dragon’s tooth, break it in half and you each wear a piece. Then, no matter how far apart life takes you, you’re always together.’

‘That would be sweet if dragons’ teeth weren’t so bloody huge,’ Kirah laughed.

‘Well, you’d whittle it down I suppose,’ Bull chuckled.

‘Does it matter if it’s a tooth from an old dragon skeleton, or is it more meaningful to risk incineration and death for someone you care about?’

‘Ah well you see it’s not just incineration; some dragons can freeze or electrify your ass off!’

With that Bull roared in an approximation of a dragon, rising up and tickling his lover, making her squeal in delight.

 

* * *

 

Kirah stood over the war table, chewing a nail, her advisors watching her closely. She was at a crossroads: pursue the imminent Warden danger or the imminent Empress assassination danger? Finally Cullen cleared his throat.

‘Inquisitor, may I suggest we deal with this Warden crisis first? A demon army is a rather imposing threat-‘

‘Commander!’ Josephine cried. ‘If Empress Celene is assassinated then Orlais will fall into chaos!’

‘We should go to Halamshiral first,’ Leliana calmly suggested. ‘So if we do lose control of the Wardens we may at least have an army to supplement our own.’

Cullen frowned.

‘ _May_ being the operative word, Leliana.’

Kirah nodded. ‘We’ll go to the Winter Palace first and we’ll do it quickly. Keep our outfits simple-’, she glanced at Josephine pointedly, ‘to save time. And let Hawke and Stroud keep an eye on Adamant.’

In truth, Kirah was more comfortable tackling assassins, even if it meant getting tangled in the infamous ‘Game’, than facing the Wardens and their demon-binding.

 

* * *

 

Pacing her room that night, the Inquisitor ran over the details. There had been precious few clues in the nightmarish future she and Dorian witnessed. All they knew was that the Empress would be killed and Orlais would descend into chaos.

The Empress’ cousin, Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons was the prime suspect in her possible assassination. Despite being next in line for the throne, he was usurped by Celene who used her superior cunning to charm the Council of Heralds. Their rivalry caused a bitter, and ongoing, civil war. But… then there was an elven spymaster, Briala, who led a huge network of spies and assassins. Leliana spoke of a possible affair between Briala and Celene, now over, which meant she toowas a suspect.

Kirah sighed and flopped down onto her bed. She wanted to stop the assassination, but she couldn’t deny Orlais was already in chaos because of this damned civil war. If she could broker peace between the factions and stop an assassination, now _that_ would be a real victory.

 

* * *

 

At the Winter Palace, the Inquisitor had the disadvantage of being most visibly Qunari. Even if the delicate masks the Orlesians wore hid something of their disgust and fear, their gasps and insults certainly did not. Bull and Cullen had been offended on her behalf, but she’d managed to quell any confrontation by reassuring them she _really_ didn’t care. _What were they but weak, pampered little ferrets anyway?_

Dutifully, as Josephine instructed, Kirah had gone from room to room talking the talk, eaves-dropping on some very salacious (and useful) gossip and even danced with Grand Duchess Florianne, Gaspard’s sister, to rise in the court’s estimation. Fortunately, it worked and within a matter of hours. _Wow they really are fickle._ Kirah mused.

With her social position secure, the Qunari had slipped behind the scenes to the gardens and residential wings. It had been a relief to don her armour, The Iron Bull, Dorian and Cole by her side, and slice through streams of Venatori and strange rogue harlequins who'd been manoeuvred into the palace as part of the coup.

They’d explored the ornately decorated rooms, Kirah briefly wishing she and Bull could test some of those gilded four-poster beds… and uncovered enough evidence to use against the triumvirate of political masters. Now Kirah hoped she had enough to bend them to a truce and pool their resources in the fight against Corypheus. But first she had to deal with the traitor who planned to assassinate the Empress in the first place… her cousin Duchess Florianne, and Kirah’s earlier dance partner.

Back in her formal wear, with a few new scratches and bruises, the eyes of the court were on the Inquisitor as she crossed the empty ballroom floor. Florianne was talking to Gaspard and Briala, her back to the Qunari who shouted: ‘We owe the court one more show, your grace.’

The Duchess turned around, expressionless. ‘Inquisitor?’

‘The eyes of every noble in the empire are on us, your grace. Remember to smile.’ Kirah smirked, walking up the steps towards her. ‘This is your party. You wouldn’t want them to think you’d lost control. ‘

‘Who would not be delighted to speak with you, Inquisitor?’ she smiled, backing off.

Now face to face, Kirah continued. ‘I seem to recall you saying, “All I needed was to keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike”. When your archers failed to kill me in the garden, I feared you wouldn’t save me this last dance.’ Murmurs and gasps rippled through the court as Kirah circled Florianne, hands behind her back.

‘It’s so easy to lose your good graces. You even framed your brother for the murder of a council emissary. It was an ambitious plan. Celene, Gaspard, the entire Council of Heralds… all your enemies under one roof. ‘

‘This is very entertaining,’ Florianne drawled. ‘But you do not imagine anyone believes your wild stories?

‘That would be a matter for a judge to decide, cousin,’ Celene announced from the floor above.

Florianne span around to glare at Celene before turning to her brother. ‘Gaspard? You cannot believe this, you know I would never…’

But the Duke walked away in disgust, leaving the guards to drag away his sobbing sister. Kirah looked to the Empress.

‘Your Imperial Majesty, I think we should speak in private,’ she suggested, leaving the hushed and scandalised court to no doubt burst.

What followed on the Empress’ private balcony was a verbal jousting. Briala accused Gaspard of knowing about his sister’s betrayal, Gaspard accused Briala of the same. When Celene turned to the Inquisitor hoping for solidarity, Kirah accused them _all_ of double-dealings and conspiring to allow this awful mess in the first place. Finally, however, an uneasy alliance was forged. Kirah had to believe their three great minds could achieve much if they would only stop fighting.

Celene and Gaspard announced their truce to the court, while Briala watched from the wings. Gaspard said something sensible for a change:

‘We cannot be at war with each other when the Fade itself challenges our borders.’

Unbelievably, Celene wanted the party to continue. Her perpetually down-turned mouth breaking into some kind of smile as she declared, ‘Tonight, we celebrate the arrival of peace. Let the festivities commence!’

***

Kirah couldn’t quite believe things had worked out as she’d planned (and fervently hoped). Iron-Ass Tully would need a lie down if he could see her now. Back in Haven, Josephine revealed Kirah’s old captain had said some surprisingly flattering things about his former mercenary. She’d always wanted to impress him and it warmed her to think of the letter she would write to him. 

Finding an empty balcony, Kirah slipped away from the celebrations, and all her new fans. She inhaled deeply, the fresh night air reviving her a little until Bull’s deep voice rumbled behind her.

‘They ran out of that cheese dip. Asked for more, and they gave me this _look_ , the assholes.’ Bull leaned against the balcony mirroring her.

‘How’re you doing?’

‘Strangely, we achieved all our goals so I'm enjoying a moment of peace,’ she smiled.

‘Sounds like a plan. You'll get kicked in the teeth again soon enough. Hang on to the good stuff.' Bull smiled, ‘Come on, the music’s finally got enough of a beat to dance to.’ He held out his arm, charm itself. Kirah was taken aback by the gesture, and even if she wanted to just curl up in a corner and nap, she couldn’t help herself.

‘I’d love to.’

‘Good. They’re out of food,’ Bull added cheekily, putting his hand on her waist and guiding her to the dance floor.

Kirah and Bull had sung in the Herald’s Rest plenty of times, belting out their own versions of drinking songs and doing covers of Maryden’s ballads. But they’d never danced together and suddenly Kirah felt nervous. They’d just been fighting a smorgasbord of different enemies and dealt with the perilous challenges of court and _now_ she was nervous. 

Bull immediately struck a perfect dance position, one hand on her waist, the other interlinked with her fingers. Mid-tune, he swept her into the foray as though they’d been there the whole time. _Is there no end to this man’s talents? s_ he thought, a little giddy from their spinning.

‘Hey, boss, I mean, Lady Inquisitor, if you look at _me_ rather than down at the floor, you won’t get giddy,’ he suggested, a little amused.

‘Er… sure. I just wanted to make sure my feet were doing the right thing. How… when… did you learn how to dance?’

‘Ben-Hassrath have to be trained in so many weird-ass things… but I also got a bit of practice in with Krem.’

Kirah laughed out loud at the idea of the Qunari and the much smaller man waltzing around the training area. Bull grinned and swept her off her feet.


	15. Phoenix Rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirah's memories, or lack of them, overwhelm her, but her sorrow leads her on a new path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potentially triggering for readers who've suffered a loss, particularly of a parent. I hope I've handled it sensitively, having experienced it myself <3

The light reflecting off the snow-topped mountains was so beautiful it distracted Kirah from her reading. She’d been going over reports at her desk for the best part of the morning and sorely needed to stretch her limbs. Walking to the balcony, she took in the view and inhaled deeply. Unlike Dorian, she didn’t mind the cold. ‘There’s no poor weather, just poor clothing’ her father used to say. He’d loved the changing seasons and imparted his fascination to her. Kirah suspected there was only one ‘season’ in Skyhold, but it was magnificent to behold. 

The Inquisitor remembered the day her father took her out walking in the snow and taught her where frost-hardy plants could be found. She was very small, probably only up to his waist. It was then that he told her the story of how he fell in love with Atashah, her mother.

Atashah was Arigena, the leader of the Qunari craftsmen. Kirah's Viddathari father, Karran was a trained warrior, but as soon as he saw Atashah, he wanted to be a carpenter. Of course that’s not how it works in the Qun… But all he knew was he wanted to be near her, talk to her, listen to her. Not just because of her beauty, he’d been keen to point out, but she had a presence that was at once calm and warm and yet commanding, powerful. When she spoke everyone listened, and not just because they were compelled to do so. Apparently, he got very creative with his attempts to get close and make her notice him. Then one day she asked him to escort her on an errand...

_What was the rest of it? Fuck!_

Kirah slammed her hands down on the balcony ledge. That was the worst part: not remembering enough to fill the gaps in the precious few memories that remained. She’d never found out what her mother’s story was. Her position as Arigena would have made their love all the more forbidden… and then to find out she was _pregnant_ …

As a grown woman with her own responsibilities and a lover she cared about, Kirah felt a closeness to her mother she’d never experienced before. She could feel her pride, her fear, keenly. Her eyes pricked with hot tears. If they'd lived she would have heard _all_ their stories. The loss was suddenly so intense it made her double over. 

Kirah hadn’t cried over her parents in years. Now she wept. Wept to the mountains about the unfairness of it all, choked on how much she missed the mother she idolised and the father she adored... how she couldn’t remember… _enough_. On her knees, she beat her fists on the ground until they… and she… were raw. Finally, forehead pressed against the cold stone floor, she felt purged. Kirah stood up shakily. The sun was still bright, bouncing off the snow clad rock and the painted glass of her balcony window. She inhaled and closed her eyes, feeling the brisk air chill her tears.

Somehow Kirah felt lighter and stronger than she had for a long time. It came to her clearly: she was a grown and powerful woman and, unlike her parents, lived in a fortress with an army. The Qun and its minions couldn’t touch her. They hadn’t even sent a proper squad after her Tal-Vashoth lover. A surge of protective instinct fired up inside her. Bull pressed buttons she didn’t even know she had. All she knew was she loved being around him. To echo her father: she just wanted to be near him, talk to him, listen to him… Kirah realised with regret they hadn’t discussed how he was adjusting to being Tal-Vashoth. Her confession would have put paid to him discussing it, but she resolved to fix that. She wanted him to be able to lean on her whenever he needed to.

New thoughts, feelings and decisions tumbled out of her. She wanted to wake up with Bull every day; she wanted to take him on _every_ adventure, not just to admire his wondrous physique, but to hear his views and see him interact with others. She loved the way he laughed, how he thought, cared, joked. She loved the different ways he held her, from aggressive passion to gentle tenderness… she _loved_ … Kirah felt that now familiar warmth bloom deep within her… she laughed out loud... she loved… _him_.

 

* * *

 

Kirah was as shocked as they were. She lamented not locking that cursed door too late as Cullen, Josephine and Cassandra stumbled upon them, post-sex. All three stood in Bull’s doorway while he was still NAKED on top of the bedsheets. At least Cullen had the decency to avert his eyes from Bull’s cock while Josephine was _staring_ at it open-mouthed.

Cassandra broke the silence, ‘I apologise for interrupting what I assume was a… _momentary_ diversion?’

 

While this wasn’t quite the public unveiling she’d planned, Kirah cleared her throat and announced, ‘This was more than just a momentary diversion. And Bull and I intend to continue.’ _Does **he**?_ She wondered briefly. Hopefully she’d know soon enough. Raising a warning eyebrow at her companions, she asked, ‘Is that a problem?’

Thankfully all of them gave emphatic 'no' responses.

‘We’ll leave you be,’ Cullen chuckled.

Josephine managed to snap out of it to give a rather sweet, ‘Yes, do enjoy yourselves.’

The door now safely closed, Bull sat up and sighed. ‘You okay, boss?’ He knew she’d wanted to keep their relationship private.

‘I believe we may have blinded poor Cullen,’ she joked, getting a smile out of the big Qunari.

 _OK, it’s now or never,_ Kirah thought and reached for the small sack she’d brought earlier. ‘Since we have a moment…’

‘What’s that?’ Bull asked as she placed her gift onto her lap.

‘A dragon’s tooth, split in two… actually _the_ dragon’s tooth, from our first kill in the Hinterlands – now whittled down to wearable proportions,’ she smiled. ‘So no matter how far apart life takes us, we’re always together.’

As she handed him his necklace, the expression on Bull’s face changed. She’d never seen it soften so. He was quiet for a moment, tracing a thumb gently over the bone. 

‘Not often people surprise me, kadan,’ he said in a low voice.

He’d called her that before. ‘Kadan?’ she asked as he picked up the second necklace from her lap and secured it around her neck.

‘Kadan. My heart,’ he breathed, taking her face in his big warm hands.

‘Kadan,’ she repeated softly, gazing into his eyes.

Bull lay her down on the bed and kissed her slowly, deeply, and Kirah knew then... he loved her too.  

***

Here's an image of Kirah at that point in the game :):

  



	16. Lost at Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull is struggling to adjust to his new life as Tal-Vashoth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while - thank you for your patience. Hopefully this longish chapter will help :) More coming soon.

The Iron Bull awoke to the soft sounds of Kirah’s breathing by his ear. _Kadan._ He’d taken off his dragon bone necklace during their love-making, not wanting to impale Kirah in the chest, or poke her in the eye; the horns were hazard enough. He reached for it now on the bedside table and rubbed the bone thoughtfully. Gently extricating himself from his lover’s arms, he clasped it around his neck. Then he pulled on his trousers, picked up his axe and exited the room quietly.

It was a brisk dawn and the residents of Skyhold were only just beginning to stir. Bull was rarely up this early, preferring late nights and sleeping in, but he was restless. It was a condition that seemed to be increasing every day, an itch under his skin.

When he reached the training area he rolled his shoulders and prepared to hack at the dummy, when he had a better idea. Leaning his axe against the wall, he cracked his knuckles. For a brief moment he considered collecting some knuckle protectors from the armoury, but before he could act his fists began slamming into the dummy and it felt _good_.

Connecting with the hard target purged him of his restlessness and something else, something he couldn’t admit to anyone, least of all his lover: a deep pain.  The inner turmoil of slipping behind the glass wall and becoming something he’d hated for so long. Even if he knew there were good Tal-Vashoth, even if he cared deeply for a _Vashoth_ , it didn’t matter – he had believed it for too long to change overnight.

The Qun was far from perfect. Even Gatt recognised where it fell short, but the Viddathari had been working in and around its confines - could see possible future changes.  Thinking about his former comrade made Bull’s heart hurt. Gatt had vouched for him. Now the elf looked foolish, his word no longer worthy. How far would that set him back from making those changes? Bull slammed his fists against the hard material, taking the edge off the ache inside.

Despite the way it ended, he was proud of his track record in Seheron. And as The Iron Bull, he’d done a solid job as Ben-Hassrath in Orlais. Even if he’d bent the rules horizontal, he’d still been part of something bigger, knowing there were boundaries and missions to give him focus.

Now he was untethered from the Qun, a boat adrift at sea. Some part of him knew he’d reach the shore eventually, but when and how were unknown. In the meantime he rocked and swayed and felt dangerously rudderless.

The Inquisition served one purpose: to close that damn rift and crush Corypheus. People had ascribed other meanings to it, like bringing peace to warring factions and sorting out the Chantry, but their core purpose was clear. It was finite. And when it was done, what would he do then?

Mercifully, there was Kirah, his touchstone in all this. He leaned on the dummy head for a moment, breathing hard. She’d given him a dragon’s tooth… _Vashedan_. Bull had never imagined he’d be the recipient of such a gift. Sure, he had women (and men) of all races going giddy over his muscles, but it had never gone deeper than a good fuck.

Now he called her his kadan and meant it. Everything about her was wondrous to him: that smell, voice, mind, curves… those amazing eyes. If she wasn’t lifting his spirits (and arousing his body), she was anchoring him. That should have made him feel better, but, if he was honest, it still wasn’t enough. He couldn’t shake these feelings of unworthiness. _How can I be her rock when I’m unsure of who I am? How can I support her when I need to lean on her?_  Bull snarled at the dummy and recommenced his pummelling.

 

* * *

 

The Inquisitor sat at her desk pouring over some research notes when there was a knock at her door. ‘Come in,’ she called.

Tentative footsteps on the stairs and then Krem appeared. ‘Sorry to interrupt, Inquisitor,’ he said, a little nervous. ‘But I need to speak to you.’ The man coughed and advanced towards her, one hand on his waist the other fiddling with his breastplate. Krem was usually cocky charm itself, so his demeanour was rather disconcerting. Kirah stood and rounded the desk quickly.

‘What is it, Krem?’

The Charger fixed her with his brown eyes. ‘It’s about the chief.’

Now Kirah was worried. 'Go on.'

‘He won’t admit it, but he’s really struggling with being Tal-Vashoth.’

The Qunari nodded, all too aware she hadn’t broached the subject since revealing the circumstances of her parents’ deaths. She leaned against the desk, hands gripping the edge. ‘How is he struggling?’

‘He’s drinking a hell of a lot – even for him. Most folk wouldn’t notice cos’ he doesn’t tend to get drunk like everyone else. Plus he’s eating less, which just aint right.’ Krem looked away briefly, jaw tightening. ‘He’s taken to snapping at us, all irritable and impatient which is so… not Bull. I don’t know what to do, ma’am.’

Kirah’s heart was thumping. All of this sounded bad and, as the man said, very unlike the Bull they knew. She swallowed it down, took a deep breath. ‘OK, I’ll speak to him and… maybe conduct some research.’ She fiddled with the dragon’s tooth necklace for a moment. ‘And Krem, thank you for coming to me with this.’

The mercenary nodded, eyes shining and left swiftly without another word. Kirah pulled out some letter paper. She was going to draft in her most trustworthy allies to help her kadan.

 

* * *

 

By nightfall, Kirah had a little more knowledge under her belt and her letters had gone off by raven. Although the books in the library had scant information about the Qunari, Dorian’s knowledge was surprising. ‘Just because they’re savages doesn’t mean we ‘Vints’ are _completely_ ignorant about them,’ he’d told her.

Her first action was to talk to Bull directly, to get this out into the open. If that worked, and _especially_ if it didn’t, she was to take him out on her next adventure – and the bloodier the better.

Bull was arm-wrestling Grim when the Inquisitor entered the Herald’s Rest. It didn’t last long. Bull slammed the man’s hand into the table with a snarl. For a moment, the warrior looked viciously triumphant, his one eye dark, but then it passed and he clapped his opponent on the shoulder good-naturedly, calling for another drink for them both.

‘Bull,’ Kirah called, nodding at him to come over.

Entirely himself again, he strode over to her smiling. ‘Hey boss, wanna drink?’

‘Yeah, but let’s take this upstairs,’ she drawled. Upstairs meaning Bull’s room.

Within moments of the door closing, they were a tangle of arms, horns and legs. Bull’s lips pressed to hers, nostrils flaring as his hot tongue filled her mouth. Needing to feel that he was still him, still her Bull, her hands grasped at him, nails digging into his flesh. But it wasn’t enough.

Releasing her grip, she frantically shoved her trousers down to the top of her boots and spun around. Leaning over the edge of Bull’s bed, she presented her naked, full ass and reached eagerly for her clit.

Kirah heard her warrior growl, then the clink and swipe of his belt. In a few seconds his cock was pressed against her entrance, making her breath catch in anticipation. The gap she’d given him was narrow, her trousers fabric manacles around her knees, but Bull managed to push into her. Kirah hissed. It appeared her body hadn’t caught up with her passion but it mattered little, she was not going to say katoh. All the same, Bull stopped his advancement and stroked her back, gently rocking against her. Soon enough, he was sliding more easily and the heat began to grow between them.

As he ploughed her from behind, Bull held onto her hips with his big, rough hands. His pelvis driving into her buttocks made a slapping sound and there were other, filthier sounds, accompanying their rutting which made Kirah’s cheeks burn.

Delicious moments passed before her lover began to chase his release, one hand gripping her thigh, the other pulling on one of her horns. He thrust relentlessly, grunting against her before pushing impossibly deep and crying out hoarsely. Kirah crested with him silent save for her ragged breath, listening. The only indications she was coming hard were her muscles fluttering around his cock and her features contorted in ecstasy.

When her heart returned to a normal beat, Adaar crawled onto the bed and removed the rest of her clothing. She climbed under the blankets, thankful the roof had been fixed so the cries of their love-making no longer echoed around the ramparts. Bull grinned while he kicked off his boots and joined her, pulling her close, breathing her in.

‘I needed that, kadan,’ he murmured.

‘Yeah?’ she asked, grateful for an easy way into this conversation.

‘Mmm,’ he nodded.

‘I know things haven’t been easy for you,’ she began in a low, soothing voice. ‘It’s been a lot about me recently, but I’m not… fragile. I can be there for you, if you need me.’

Bull pulled back a little, examining her face in the dim light. ‘It’s alright, boss, it’s an adjustment, but I’ll be fine.’

‘If you ever need to talk-‘

‘Words… aren’t always enough are they, boss?’ He nodded to the hand she recently burned. ‘It’s not like I hide my feelings. I just need time.’

‘Alright, kadan, but you also need to drink a lot less and eat a little more, OK?’

Something flickered across Bull’s face then, but Kirah couldn’t see properly in the darkness. When he spoke his voice was clipped. ‘Krem been reporting on me?’

‘If he has, it's only because he was worried. And I’ve been too wrapped up in my own shit to see it.’

He grunted and pulled her back into his arms, holding her closely until she went to sleep.

 

* * *

 

When Kirah awoke, Bull had gone. She wasn’t overly keen on this new development. Waking up in his arms had been one of her deepest pleasures. Nevermind. It had gone fairly well last night. They’d made love, spoken a little and he seemed… fine. Perhaps Krem was being oversensitive. Tomorrow they would start their journey to the Forbidden Oasis. Bull could get some fighting in and, hopefully, start to work through this.

The Inquisitor had a busy day, upgrading her armour with Dagna, attending to meetings and speaking to the new warrior experts about her potential specialism. She’d made a point to talk to all of them, but she already knew she wanted to be a Reaver. Turns out that connection to dragons really was a thing.

That evening, she ate her dinner in the great hall with Varric and Dorian. Looking around, she hoped Bull had taken her advice and was tucking in heartily, but he was nowhere to be seen.

‘Looking for lover boy?’ Dorian asked, cocking an eyebrow.

‘Just checking he’s not getting into any mischief,’ she smiled.

The dwarf shifted uneasily. ‘Haven't you heard?’

Dorian’s eyes widened. ‘Gossip? Spill it, Varric.’

‘Apparently Bull got into a fight with Krem… well, they were sparring, but it became a fight and ah… I don’t know, Inquisitor.’

Varric looked mighty uncomfortable, but Kirah pressed him. ‘And what, man?’

‘He put Krem in the infirmary.’

Kirah’s heart leapt into her throat. Dorian shot her a look, but all she could do was blink in disbelief. Thankfully, the mage had his wits about him. He rose and grabbed her arm before suggesting, ‘Let’s go pay Krem a visit.’


	17. The Beast Unbound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iron Bull loses control. Kirah has a plan but it will take time. Can she avert disaster while they wait?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this one on the go at the same time as the last chapter, I've rushed it out a little to make up for the long wait!
> 
> Some dialogue from the game so thanks once again to Bioware.

The mage didn’t let go of Kirah’s arm as he steered her out of the great hall and down the steps.

‘Dorian,’ she croaked. ‘What did he do?’

‘We’ll find out soon enough, my lady,’ he replied, voice steady.

Kirah recalled how he employed the same marvellous technique in ‘future’ Redcliffe. He was a steady presence when chaos reigned. 

They entered the infirmary with some trepidation.

‘Are you well, Inquisitor?’ asked a concerned healer.

‘I’m in good health, thank you. I’m here to see Krem… er Cremisius Aclassi. Is that possible?’

‘Of course, please follow me.’

They came to a bed in a far corner. Krem was lying on his side facing away from them. 

‘Hey Krem,’ Kirah said softly.

The man stirred and turned over, his arm was bandaged, his face bruised.

‘I’m so sorry, did I wake you?’

‘Nah, I was just trying to ignore the throbbing in my shoulder. Turns out being distracted by you is more effective that just lying here.’

‘What happened?’ Dorian asked not unkindly but straight to the point.

Krem swallowed. He looked from Dorian to Kirah.

‘It’s OK, he knows about Bull's... difficulties,’ the Inquisitor reassured him. ‘Let’s just say he’s one of my information sources.’

The Charger nodded and tried to sit up. Adaar grabbed an extra pillow from the empty bed behind her and propped him up a little.

‘I was sparring in the training ring with some of the soldiers and Bull joined in, fairly standard behaviour. After all, the chief likes to put us all through our paces.

We started doing rounds, but when it got to my turn he seemed to become more… irritated. I tried to make light, teased him like normal. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before, just back talk and that, but he got me in a headlock and accused me of spying on him. I should have just dropped it then, but I was angry with the big idiot and we argued and fought at the same time.

Everyone knows he can hit us a lot harder than he does, but he’s usually so controlled… ’ The man’s voice caught in his throat. ‘He smacked me too hard like and I came back with a vicious jab in the ribs, then he… well, I don’t remember, but the healer said I had a dislocated shoulder and a broken arm.’ Krem paused, eyes shining. ‘He felt awful when it happened, Inquisitor, he didn’t mean it.’

Dorian scoffed, ‘I’m sure thousands of battered wives and husbands use the same reasoning.’

Kirah winced. He had a point, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it right now. ‘I’m putting a plan in place to help him. I just need time to get the elements together. In the meantime, I’m taking him with me when I leave Skyhold tomorrow-‘

‘Is that still wise?’ Dorian asked.

‘Yes. We need to get him away from here and smashing things. I’ll handle him, Pavus, don’t worry.’

Krem nodded. ‘Sounds good, boss,’ he croaked.

 

***

 

Later, Kirah stood outside Bull’s room, steeling herself. When she knocked there was no reply, but as the door was unlocked she risked a tentative step inside. The Tal-Vashoth was sitting on his bed, away from her, head in his hands.

‘Bull?’ she called softly. When he didn’t answer she rounded the bed cautiously. ‘I know about Krem.’

The big man huffed, but said nothing. Kirah inhaled and pulled up a chair, sitting opposite him. ‘We leave tomorrow. You can put those violent tendencies to good use in the field.’

Bull dropped his hands onto his lap and stared at them. His features, contorted with pain made Kirah's heart ache. ‘I wanted to hurt him,’ he said, his voice a gruff whisper. ‘In that moment, all I wanted to do was hurt him. I’m fucking evil.’

‘No,’ Adaar said firmly. ‘You’re dealing with some shit and lost control. If he was Qunari  you would only have bruised him.’

‘Yeah, but the thing is, boss, he's not Qunari. I’m not amongst my brethen and I never will be again.’

Kirah leaned forward and took his hands in hers. ‘We’ll get through this, I swear to you.’

Bull looked at her. There was no hope in his eyes and that terrified her. Inhaling, she pushed him to lie down on the bed and stroked his chest the way he liked it. _I'll fix this, my love. Soon._

 

* * *

 

Solas and Varric joined them on their trek across Orlais to the Forbidden Oasis. The Inquisitor had explained that before they tackled the Grey Wardens she wanted to clear up a few lingering issues and strengthen the team as a whole. Since they’d discovered the shards bestowed elemental resistance, and the caves that made them give up their juice were in the Oasis, they'd been back several times. This time Kirah was after spirit resistance, something she sorely lacked.

Solas looked like he was wilting under the heat. Bull didn’t mind the temperature but he wasn’t fond of the Oasis, it had far too many weird-ass levels and creaky rope bridges way too high for comfort. They hadn’t encountered any enemies for a while, having closed all the rifts in the area long ago. Bull felt twitchy again. Kirah and Varric were a little way ahead pulling up some roots for potions.

‘How do you feel, Iron Bull?’ Solas enquired, seemingly reading his discomfort. ‘Do you need a distraction to focus your mind?’

‘Well, this area's low on dancing girls, sadly,’ Bull joked without a smile.

‘King's pawn to E4.’

Surprised, the Qunari fixed the sweating elf with an incredulous eye. ‘You're shitting me. We don't even have a board!’

‘Too complicated for a savage Tal-Vashoth?’

‘Smug little asshole,’ Bull grumbled and then countered, ‘Pawn to E5.’

‘Pawn to F4. King's Gambit.’

‘Accepted. Pawn takes pawn. Give me a bit to get the pieces set in my head. Then we'll see what you've got.’

Just then Bull noticed a group of Venatori ahead surrounded by a pack of vicious hyenas. He gleefully pulled his axe from its harness. ‘Hey boss! See that?’ he shouted, pointing.

‘Yeah, hang back and let the hyenas do some damage before we wade in, I’m low on potions.’

The warrior gritted his teeth, poised in his fighting stance, eye fixed on the group ahead. Somewhere in his mind he understood the wisdom of Kirah’s strategy, but right now all he wanted was to cleave metal into flesh and bone.

One of the hyenas fell. Without waiting for the Inquisitor’s order, Bull charged ahead with a roar. He raced far from Solas’ barrier spell so it wouldn’t wrap around him and plunged into the fray.

‘Huh-yarr!’ he grunted as he swung his axe into a hyena skull, producing a satisfying crack. With barely a pause he yanked his blade back to slice through a Venatori arm. As the blood spurted out across his chest he felt lighter. _Yeah._

All too soon they were surrounded by carcasses. Bull stood amongst them wiping his brow and grinning stupidly. Then _whack!_ He received a strong, mean punch to his shoulder. Kirah glared at him.

‘I know you heard me when I said to wait. Sorry, that’s wrong, when I _ordered_ you to wait,’ she growled, amber eyes burning.

‘Er… sorry, boss,’ he began, his own fire waning. He hadn’t intended to disobey her, he just wanted to fight. _Needed_ to fight. 

‘Don’t do that again,’ she commanded.

 

***

 

Kirah walked out of the underground caverns newly pumped up with spirit resistance. ‘Thank the Maker for weird shit like this,’ she grinned at her team as they exited blinking in the late afternoon sun. ‘Let’s get back to camp, we leave tomorrow morning.’

Gathered around the campfire, Bull still felt a little tense. They’d certainly hacked and slashed their way through some bad guys, but it still wasn’t enough. He knew what Kirah was trying to do, but he was worried it just wasn’t going to work.

‘So, where were we?’ Solas piped up. ‘Ah, yes. Mage to C4.’

‘Little aggressive. Arishok to H4. Check.’

‘Speaking of aggressive. I assume Arishok is your term for the Queen?’ The elf raised an eyebrow, amused. ‘King to F1.’

Without a pause, Bull moved again. ‘Pawn to B5.’

‘All right. You have my curiosity. Mage takes Pawn.’

‘You call your Tamassrans Mages? Ben-Hassrath to F6.’

‘You call your Knights Ben-Hassrath? Incidentally, Knight to F3.’

‘Ben-Hassrath makes more sense than horses. They're sneaky, and they can move through enemy lines. Arishok to H6.’

‘Pawn to D3,’ Solas said thoughfully.

‘Ben-Hassrath to H5. Hah! Alright, take some time. Think about your life choices.’

Satisfied, Bull leaned back. Kirah was sharpening her axe. Her amber eyes glistened in the firelight making his heart beat faster. She looked up at him then, smiling knowingly and walked to her tent. Bull followed soon after.

 

* * *

 

They were making good time back to Skyhold when a bird intercepted them with a message that more Red Templars had been seen in Emprise de Lion. The Inquisitor had thwarted a red lyrium mining operation there a few months ago and intended to go back and deal with some dragons, but not _yet_.

‘We’ve dealt quite a blow to their supply line, perhaps they’re trying to get their veiny hands on what’s left?’ Varric suggested.

From searing heat to freezing cold, they crossed Orlais and finally made it to Emprise de Lion. Kirah was keen to crack on with the task at hand, root out these Red Templar bastards and go the fuck home. Bull seemed to be a little calmer out here fighting, but at times it had been close. She’d noticed how he didn’t wait for Solas’ barrier, how he grappled enemies away from her so he could kill them and how antsy he got waiting for their next encounter. She would certainly feel better once they reached Skyhold. By now everything, and everyone, would be in place.

They didn’t have to trudge too far in the snow before they spotted the group just over a ridge. Two Red Templar knights, a horror, three guardsman and two marksmen. It would be tough and they’d need to keep their wits about them, making sure the knights didn’t get the opportunity to create further horrors.  

Having carefully outlined her strategy, Kirah led the team into the fight. Varric first sent up a volley of arrows and Solas performed a quick one-two: barriers followed by a huge inferno covering the whole scarlet group in orange flame. Bull used his grappling hook to drag a guardsman to his feet, breaking his neck with a swift, vicious kick.  

Adaar charged at a knight, hoping to knock him on his ass, he didn't fall but he bent backwards a little - enough to allow her a damaging blow across his chest before he rallied and swiped upwards. Kirah managed to parry and swung around to hit him again, when she was hit with a red shard courtesy of the second knight. Thankfully Solas used a stone fist spell to knock her first knight flat so he couldn’t press the advantage.

They were tough, but not indestructible. A vicious, sustained assault, with good use of cover, was her preferred strategy when dealing with these creatures. The current melee had certainly begun that way and after a short time one knight, two new horrors and a marksman remained. However, Bull was unravelling the plan. His particular brand of fighting was very Reaver-like, all blood lust and rampaging. _Normally_ it all came from astrongcore of control and focus. However, his present style was far more savage and distinctly _un_ focussed. He'd grappled a marksman away from Kirah when she was one blow from finishing him off, wasting precious time. Then he ploughed into a knight just as the man was swinging his greatsword practically guaranteeing a lost limb, until Varric sent an explosive shot into the man’s chest.

It was becoming very messy. Kirah used every ounce of the energy she had left to summon a rift and drain the remaining abominations. Everything slowed as the green light pulled inwards and Kirah took a brief pause to re-focus on the battlefield. It was then that she saw the horror advancing on Varric from behind. Releasing a grappling hook, she immediately screamed in frustration when Bull’s collided with hers, stopping both from reaching the creature in time.

‘Varric!’ she shouted as the horror plunged its claws into his back.

As she ran towards him, Bull’s grappling chain shot out again, grabbing the horror still hooked into Varric. ‘No, Bull!’ she shouted, watching helplessly as the dwarf was dragged backwards towards the Qunari’s feet. Kirah was well aware a kick from Bull could end it all.

‘Solas, hit Bull NOW,’ she bellowed.

Mercifully, the mage sent over a jolt of ice that froze Bull before his foot had a chance to connect. Kirah raced over, lopping the horror’s head from its shoulders. Then she turned around to finish the final knight.

Greatly depleted from the Inquisitor's rift spell, the red warrior staggered towards her, eyeballs bloodshot. The Qunari roared, bearing her teeth in disgust as she charged towards him, sliding at the last moment to slice under his breastplate and spill his guts.

For a moment she lay there, listening to the wet sounds his body made beside her, but then anger gripped her chest and she rose to her feet. Solas was bent over Varric tending to his wounds, while Bull was pacing a little way away, axe still in hand ready for more. Kirah stormed towards him, a white hot rage consuming her. ‘What the fuck, Bull?!’ she yelled to his back. ‘Are you actually trying to get us all killed?’ Grabbing his arm, she spun him around.

Without warning Bull hooked his fingers under the collar of her armour and yanked her viciously towards him. He lowered his horns menacingly and _snarled_ at her. His face was dark, his eye nearly entirely black.

Kirah searched his face for some recognition, some part of the Bull she knew. Her anger was screaming at her to knee him in the balls, or order him to stand down, but she’d read about this. _Now what was I supposed to do? Back down or square up?_ Some deeper instinct told her to relax her body and stop staring into his eye. She exhaled and let herself go loose, dropping her arms and averting her gaze. Mercifully, he huffed a breath, let go and walked away. The Inquisitor watched him, could see the tightness in every muscle as he moved. She had no choice but to let him leave and hoped he’d be alright.

 

***

 

Back at the camp, Kirah checked in with Varric. Solas had done a great job patching him up. The dwarf actually asked if _Bull_ was alright.

‘I’m sure he will be, once we get him straight again,’ she frowned.

‘You’re worried,’ he said softly.

‘Yeah... that he’s going to kill off my best men,’ she laughed weakly.

‘Look, he’s acting all weird and… let’s face it, Qunari. But he’s saved us countless times already so he's a good guy at heart, isn’t he?’

Kirah looked at Varric for a moment before answering, ‘Yes, he is.’

‘Well, then. It'll be alright.’

The Inquisitor clenched her jaw. It was far from being alright. She prayed silently that Bull hadn’t gone to tackle those dragons by himself.

Kirah stayed up, watching the dying embers of the fire, waiting for her lover’s return. Finally, Bull stumbled into the camp. The Inquisitor fought the instinct to go to him and merely watched as he grabbed a bottle of something and took a swig. He’d clearly continued fighting after he’d left and was covered in muck and blood. He saw her and in the half-light she witnessed his face crumble before he turned away, disappearing into his tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a challenge to write not least because I love Bull! He's such a rock to everyone. BUT there are definite problems with the Qunari race and part of that is this inherent animal/dragon element. Perhaps that's the reason they need such stringent rules. Anyway, don't fret if your heart-strings are pulled pretty tight right now. Kirah has a blinding solution in the next chapter...


	18. AWOL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull quits the Inquisition. Can Kirah get him to come back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shortish one because I didn't want you to wait too long for an update - bigger chapter coming up next :)

The Iron Bull stood, well stooped, in the semi-darkness of his tent, hoping Kirah wouldn't follow him. Her expression in the dim firelight had been hard to read, unlike a few hours ago when he’d man-handled her after their battle. The warrior’s heart constricted at the memory: light reflecting off the snow made everything so bright. Her face the centre, edges blurred, amber eyes searching his, a mixture of anger and confusion. But not fear. That at least brought him some relief. He knew deep down he hadn’t wanted to hurt her. Thank fuck she hadn’t asked him to stand down.

Kneeling on his bedroll, Bull buried his face in his hands, gritting his teeth. _What if Solas hadn't frozen my ass in time?_ He owed the dwarf an endless tab at the Herald's Rest. No, that wouldn't be enough. What he needed was… to _leave_ the Inquisition.

The realisation made his heart sink, but there was no denying he had to go for the safety of everyone around him. He could be a lone merc for hire. After all, the Inquisition no longer benefited from his Ben-Hassrath reports, and they had plenty of other warriors. Krem could lead the Chargers and remain at Skyhold. He’d be pissed, but he'd suck it up for the team.

But, Bull acknowledged, they still might try to stop him from quitting. _I should leave now. Quick and clean._ He peered out of his tent; there were two guards on watch. Bull casually strolled over to the campfire and lit a small lantern. When he returned to his tent, he rummaged for some paper and the thick Qunari quill he used to write his reports. Every time he travelled, they came with him, despite the pain they caused whenever he glimpsed them.

Bull’s heart hammered in his chest. He would write two letters, then he’d slip away.

 

***

 

It was dawn when Kirah strode across the camp to Bull’s tent, trying to convince herself a good night’s sleep would have grounded him enough for a decent conversation. She politely coughed and ducked inside.

‘Bull,’ she called softly.

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dim light. Something was wrong. She approached the lump on the bedroll and pressed a palm into it. When it gave far too much to be a big, hard Qunari she tore back the blankets, revealing a pile of odds and ends and two letters on top of the pillow. One addressed to Krem, the other to her, closed with a Ben-Hassrath wax seal.

Hands trembling, she tore open her note.

 

_Kadan,_

_You’ve probably figured out I’ve gone by now._

_I know you’ll be pissed, but I’m a fucking liability. At worst, I risk causing permanent harm to someone, at best, I shit all over the Inquisition’s good work._

_I don’t know what’s happening to me. No matter how much I fight, there’s this pain and fire inside me that needs more. I don’t know where it will lead, if it’s temporary or how life will be from now on. So yeah… I think we can safely conclude being Tal-Vashoth doesn’t sit well with me._

_If I wasn’t acting like an asshole no one could keep me from fighting at your side. It shames me to leave you, but it’s the right thing to do. I’ve already hurt Krem, I could have killed Varric and… vashedan… I would NEVER forgive myself if I hurt you._ (Kirah noticed the page was pierced at this point as though Bull had pressed too hard with his quill)

_I can’t express how much you mean to me. I’ll always wear my dragon’s tooth and no one will ever take your place in my heart._

_I am deeply sorry. Please, kadan, don’t try to follow me or find me._

_Bull_

 

 

Kirah stared at the page. She wanted to shout at it, reason with the words, tell them they were wrong. She settled for snarling before stuffing the paper in her pocket and exiting the tent. 

After sending a bird out into the cold morning, the Inquisitor gathered what remained of her crew.

‘We’re not going after Tiny?’ Varric asked, surprised.

‘That’s correct,’ Kirah said blankly, stuffing her pack with potions.

‘I’ll admit he’s going a little wild, but I don’t think abandoning him is-’

‘We’re not abandoning him, _he_ walked out on us,’ Kirah snapped before straightening and looking pointedly at the dwarf and then Solas beside him. They were concerned, not judgemental, which made her soften. ‘Just give me some time,’ she sighed. ‘I had a plan to help him. It may not be too late.’

The two men nodded seemingly appeased for now. Kirah returned to shoving things into her pack. _Maker, I hope it’s not too late._

 

 

***

 

Back in Skyhold, the Inquisitor updated her advisors and received news in return. They’d finished with extraneous missions now. It would soon be time to hit Adamant.

‘Did you get my message?’ Kirah asked her spymaster after Cullen and Josephine left the war room.

‘Yes, Inquisitor,’ Leliana answered, resting a slender hand on the Vashoth’s forearm. ‘The raven arrived two days ago and we followed your instructions exactly.’

Kirah nodded, smiling faintly before a sharp cough made her turn around. It was Krem, pale-faced, his letter in one tight fist. Always astute, Leliana left, closing the door behind her.

‘I don’t know who to be more pissed off at – the chief for leaving or you for not going after him,’ he declared shakily.

Kirah sighed, ‘Krem, I'm sure it wasn’t an easy decision for either of us.’

‘But what about this plan you were supposed to be cooking up to help him?’

‘I assure you, it’s still in play.’

‘He said to stay with the Inquisition so that’s what we’ll do.’ Krem bowed his head, fumbling with the crumpled page. ‘I realise this must be hard on you too ma’am, but… I’ve known the chief a long time and owe him my life. To be brutally honest, right now my concern is more for him than the hole in the sky. Can you understand?’

‘Yes,’ Kirah said softly. She could never tell anyone of course, but she felt the same way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said the solution was going to be presented here, but I didn't want you to wait too long for an update - forgive me!


	19. Brought to Heel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A strange Qunari is pursuing Iron Bull. Is he friend or foe? Bull decides to stand his ground and find out.

The Inquisitor stood on the ramparts, drumming her fingers against the top of an exterior wall, feeling the deep cold of the stone through her leather gloves. Beside her Dorian shivered, wrapped in what looked like Commander Cullen’s fur-trimmed cloak. Under normal circumstances she would have probed him further, but there were more pressing issues on her mind. Like the bird she’d received telling her to expect an impending arrival in the dead of night.

Despite his clearly freezing state, Dorian relinquished his grip on the cloak to press a hand to hers. ‘Why don’t we go over it again?’ he suggested.

‘No, it’s alright, I know what to do. It’s just-‘

‘Rather brutal?’ Dorian offered, a faint smile lifting the corner of his moustache.

‘Yeah… and to be completely detached and not able to stop until… well, it’s going to be a challenge.’

‘I know,’ Dorian sighed.

‘It'll be acceptable if it works,’ Kirah said firmly.

‘It WILL,’ Dorian reassured, squeezing her hand. ‘Our spies saw it done often, sometimes just as a matter of course. I don’t know what it is about you horned creatures that a cup of tea and a chat aren't sufficient to ease your burdens.’

Kirah laughed harshly. ‘Yeah… and fighting just gets us all excited again.’

‘Your man agreed with me. This is _very_ effective and it’s a means to an end. A worthy end. Who knows? You may even grow to like it.’

Kirah raised an eyebrow. ‘To this extreme? I don’t think so.’

‘Are you having second thoughts?’

‘No, not at all. I know what must be done.’

The Inquisitor knew she had to do this for Bull. Whatever pain she had to endure would be worth it, and certainly wouldn’t compare to his own.

‘Good, because if you crumble, even for a second, it won’t work,’ Dorian reminded her.

‘I know.’

‘Would you rather I was in there with you?’

‘No, this is a private matter. No outsiders – not that you’re an outsider Dorian, but you know what I mean.’

‘Of course.’

The gates across the bridge opened and two enormous harts trotted through, one after the other, carrying large dark figures. Even from this distance, Kirah could make out Bull’s horns. She gripped the stone and inhaled deeply. ‘Shit. OK, I’ll see you later,’ she murmured.

‘Good luck, Kirah,’ Dorian said with a nod and a smile, before sweeping off down the battlements to greet the newcomers.

 

* * *

 

Iron Bull had become aware he was being followed a few days ago. The Qunari, or most likely, Tal-Vashoth, wasn’t exactly trying to be discreet, but neither was he waving in greeting. When Bull could get a clearer view, he saw an unnerving site: the male had no horns. It was a disconcerting feature, one all Qunari respected and feared. Was his pursuer Arvaarad, Saarebas or something else?

Bull knew he wouldn’t have much luck against the magic of a Saarebas at this distance so he hid and waited behind a rocky outcrop. When the creature got close enough for a projectile or grappling hook to reach him, he would act. He listened intently to heavy footsteps crunching up the mountain towards him, the beating of his heart competing with the sound. The steps were close now. Any moment his stalker would be upon him. Bull ached to take on a worthy opponent, and blood pumping, he launched himself into the path of his follower, axe gripped in both hands.

He found himself facing a bulky, bronze-skinned Qunari, half a head shorter than him. His horns had been  _shorn_ off, surrounded by thick black hair tied back and violet eyes. Normally, Bull’s menacing stance would be enough to unhinge most opponents, but the creature simply grinned, bearing sharp teeth. _Uh oh,_ he thought before two sharp, hot pains pierced his back. Whether they were darts or blades he couldn’t tell, but within a heartbeat his knees went weak and he was forced to brace himself against the rock.

The Qunari crossed his arms and simply watched Bull breathing heavily. The assailant who hit true appeared from behind him. He was nearly as big as Bull, but more lithe: a strapping Avaar. He wore simple leather and a fur trimmed mantel as he strolled towards his prey, holding a hefty black bow. _How did he make no sound?_ Bull had time to wonder. The dark-haired and bearded man seemed to read his confusion and smiled.

‘The mountains are my playground, Iron Bull. You had no chance.’ His voice was deep and gravelly, but not unkind.

‘How th-fuck d'you know my name?’ Bull slurred. He’d been drugged that was certain.

‘Kirah sent us,’ he replied with a shrug, still smiling smugly.

Bull frowned, wanted to protest, but he felt too heavy. It was as though his body was being weighed down by the rocks around him. Finally, he slid down the wall.

The Qunari spoke, a rich, low growl. ‘We won’t be able to carry him if he goes out now. Let's get him to our rides.’

The Avaar nodded and, after holstering his bow, took Bull’s upper arm, while the Qunari hooked his large calloused hand under the other. Bull didn’t have any ability to protest or struggle. In fact his mouth had stopped working. He found himself hauled up and escorted as though drunk down the mountain.

 

***

 

Bull rode in the saddle behind the Avaar, arms wrapped around the rider’s waist, bound in front. It was a strangely intimate position which allowed him to stay upright and secure, fingers seemingly unable to even wiggle voluntarily.

They sat atop a double saddle, a short ridge between them and a back for Bull. His escort reached down to Bull’s wrists every hour, checking his pulse and around to press against his forehead, presumably to check his temperature. Other than that they travelled in silence. Only once did the Avaar see fit to stab him in the thigh with something – a top up? Bull groaned a little, but couldn’t protest. It was horrifying how effective this drug was. They could do anything to him and he would be powerless to stop it.

 

***

 

Mercifully, they didn't do anything more nefarious than drug and kidnap him over the next few days. They fed him soup when they stopped to camp and tended to their animals. Bull still couldn't speak properly, but the Avaar explained where they were and how far they still had to go. The Qunari,  _no he must be Tal-Vashoth_ , Bull decided, just watched and grinned from time to time and read reports.

When they finally reached Skyhold in the middle of the night, Bull felt relief and shame, mixed with latent anger. _Why am I here? I'm dangerous._

Dorian greeted them solemnly at the inner gates, raising an eyebrow at their prize, seemingly unconcerned. Bull had hurt Krem and then Varric and, of course, he'd absconded, so was hardly surprised. He only wished they hadn't gone to such effort to bring him back as he was only going to leave again as soon as he could.

The Avaar lifted Bull’s arms over his head to free himself and climbed off the hart, pushing his charge back a little against the raised rear of the saddle. Once alighted, he and the Tal-Vashoth pulled and pushed their captive from the beast’s back until he stood heavily on the ground.

It was then Bull realised the drugs were wearing off. Not yet to the point where he could swing his axe, although he didn't know where the fuck that was right now, but certainly he could stand without falling. Horsemaster Dennet came to collect the harts. Then Dorian led the men up the steps to the upper area while they held Bull’s arms under the shoulders again to stop him from stumbling and, it seemed, to make him go faster. Due to the late hour, only a few guards were around. Bull wondered for a moment if that was intentional because his captors had appeared to slow down half a day ago. 

It was then he realised he was being dragged to the prison. Dorian opened the door and gestured for them to enter, before following them in, flicking his wrist to light several torches.

In the centre of the room was a complicated system of pulleys and chains, a thick wooden table and some other items Bull couldn't quite make out. The Tal-Vashoth appeared to know how to operate them and, after roughly pulling his captive forward, he nodded to the Avaar. The man pulled down a thick metal collar hanging from the ceiling and attempted to fix it around the warrior's neck. Bull lurched, swinging his big horns defensively, forcing the pair to duck. However, the motion backfired, making him dizzy and, during that brief window, the Avaar succeeded in securing the collar roughly around his neck. Although it was still possible to breathe and swallow, it was uncomfortably tight.

The Avaar pulled on the chain forcing Bull to stand upright. The warrior flared his nostrils and fixed his increasingly clear vision on the Tal-Vashoth before him. The bronze-skinned male grabbed Bull's wrist, clamped a cuff around it and attached it to another chain hanging from the ceiling. The Avaar secured the other. They did the same to his ankles, though the chains this time were fixed into the ground. Soon, Bull was collared and restrained just before the drugs wore off completely. He growled and pulled the chains, heat rising inside him. His Tal-Vashoth captor was only vaguely interested in his now revived and powerful brethren and yanked on each chain in turn, inspecting the joints and locks carefully.

‘We should probably strip him,’ he said distractedly over Bull’s shoulder.

‘No, I’ll do it.’

A deep, feminine voice came out of the shadows behind him. _Kirah._  

The Tal-Vashoth’s face softened. Bull realised uncomfortably that he was actually rather handsome.

‘Adaar,’ he said warmly. Bull _really_ didn’t like his tone.

‘Boss,’ said the Avaar. His tone wasn't much better.

It slowly dawned on him then that they must be members of the Inquisitor's former mercenary company, the Valo-Kas. He remembered that Shrokrakar, the leader in her absence, was a Tal-Vashoth.

Both men moved away from their prisoner, presumably to greet their captain properly. He heard the slapping of hands and soft thud of bodies, reminiscent of handshakes and bear hugs. He didn’t like the idea of that Tal-Vashoth pressed up against his kadan and rattled his chains. It wasn’t like him to be jealous, but then he’d never had reason to be, he'd never felt the way he did for Kirah. Was jealousy another thing Qunari couldn’t handle, like being cut off from the Qun?

‘He’s lucid now,’ said the Avaar. ‘I can put him out for the night or leave him as he is.’

‘What do you think, Shro’?’ Kirah asked blankly.

_So it **is** him._

‘No more drugs, just let him hang there for the rest of the night, then deal with him tomorrow.’

The torches went out. The footsteps moved away and finally the door was closed and locked. It took Bull a few minutes to realise he was alone. Anger, disappointment and confusion welled up inside him. He pulled on his chains, but they were incredibly tough. He swallowed against his collar, snarling at the grip around his throat. He shouted in frustration. There was a growing rage inside him, taking over everything else, just like on the battlefield, but he couldn’t fight, he couldn’t do anything but stand there and stare into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on for a bit longer... I promise the pay-off will be worth it.


	20. Taming the Tal-Vashoth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor delivers Bull's punishment.
> 
> Warning: some serious pain affliction here (elements of BDSM), but don't worry, Bull can take it.

Bull awoke to the sound of the door creaking open behind him. Judging by the light coming in through the small windows it was morning. He felt like ten kinds of shit.

‘Who’s there?’ he growled.

Kirah walked past without acknowledging him. Bull watched as she reached a table and examined the contents of a large case. Her white corn rows were longer than when they first met and were beginning to reach her back in little braids. She was wearing her usual Inquisition clothes, cream coloured fabric that hugged her curves so well. A deep yearning pulled at Bull's heart. Straining against the chains, he needed to touch her, hold her, breathe her in. 

‘Kirah,’ he called hoarsely.

There was no response. However, Shrokrakar ambled into view at Bull’s right, arms crossed.

‘You don’t speak to her ‘til she gives you permission,’ he said plainly.

Bull inhaled slowly, anger so close to the surface bubbling up again. He rattled his chains and growled a little. It hurt to talk anyway. The violet-eyed male simply raised a dark eyebrow and re-examined Bull’s locks and chains before stepping back and observing him. Although the merc’s lack of horns continued to disturb Bull, he found the emotion rapidly being taken over by his desire to smash the Tal-Vashoth repeatedly across the face.

‘Alright, you can go, but not too far, I want you to be able to hear if I call,’ Kirah commanded, approaching her prisoner.

‘Of course, Adaar,’ he nodded before striding out of the room and closing the door behind him.

‘Kada-'

_Whack!_

Bull was interrupted by Kirah slapping him full across the face. His throat, so tightly encased in the collar, chaffed nastily across the top of the metal.

‘Seriously Bull, don’t fucking talk to me, unless I say. I think my Second made that perfectly clear.’

Bull was shocked. He searched her face for _some_ recognition of what they meant to each other, but she merely fixed him with her amber eyes, narrowing them before turning away again to her case. With a sinking heart, he realised she wasn’t wearing her dragon’s tooth.

The Inquisitor turned around. ‘The Iron Bull, I’m going to punish you for disobeying my direct orders during a mission, for endangering the team, for threatening me and for leaving the Inquisition when you had committed to support it.’ She paused and inhaled. ‘You may now speak if you have anything to say.’

Bull swallowed. ‘Boss, I… you’re right to punish me.’

Kirah pulled a knife from the case. Bull’s eyes widened. _Surely not?_

She strolled around to his left where he had no peripheral vision and for a terrifying moment, Bull wondered if he was going to be stabbed, but she merely undid his belt, letting it fall to the ground. Bull’s harness and boots had been removed previously, but when exactly he couldn’t remember. Kirah took her knife and sliced through the sides of his trousers, half tearing, half cutting the fabric, until he was standing in his shorts. Then she cut through these too, sparing him no tenderness as she yanked a piece that was still very much attached.

Naked and chained, Bull now understood why he was there and grimly welcomed it. He watched with trepidation as Kirah collected some sort of wooden paddle from the chest and purposefully moved behind him. He listened as she took a deep breath and then… _whacked_ him full force across his bare ass.

Bright lights burst before him and he barely had a chance to register the pain before she hit him again. OK so now it hurt. She hit him again and again and _again_ and all Bull could do was grit his teeth and grunt through it. He knew he was getting the full wallop her axe-wielding strength could give him, but didn’t dare cry katoh – it could make things worse.

Adaar stopped for a moment and came around to face him. Her skin was a little flushed from the exertion, her eyes bright as she looked over his chains.

‘You’re trussed up like this because you acted like an animal. So it’s only fair I treat you like one.’

She went to her case and threw the paddle inside. When she turned around again, she held a whip… no, not quite. It had a thick leather handle and… some fine metal chains for flogging. This wasn’t like the suede floggers he knew in Orlais, _oh no_.

Kirah resumed her position. Bull squeezed his eye shut and held his breath. This time she whipped him across his back and shoulders. His muscles were already abused from hanging all night and the vicious bite of the chains was intense.

‘Tell me why you acted like an animal?’ she commanded.

‘I don’t know,’ Bull murmured, growling as he received another whipping.

‘Tell me.’

‘I get restless…’ Bull hissed. ‘All I want to do is fight and then that’s all that matters.’

‘Why?’

Bull had so many jumbled thoughts in his mind that he didn’t respond fast enough and got another lashing.

‘Why?’ Kirah calmly repeated.

‘I don’t know.’

Kirah repeatedly flogged his back in response.

‘That isn’t fucking good enough!’ she shouted in his ear before throwing the flogger on the floor and going back to her chest. The truth was he knew why he was acting like this, not that he had any power to stop it, but it was blocked inside him.

Bull was strangely excited. He wondered if part of him actually wanted this - to be punished and hurt. Apparently a thin cane was the next instrument of his torture and he was vaguely disappointed. The Vashoth ran her hand along it, testing its give, it bent only a fraction. She then walked behind him again.

‘Let me ask you another way,’ she said carefully. ‘Why don’t you care about anyone but yourself?’

Bull opened his eye wide. ‘That's not true!’

She whipped him with the cane, right across his stinging buttocks. The pain was surprising.  _  
_

‘Why don’t you care about us?’

‘I do,’ he pleaded through gritted teeth. ‘I just… this is bigger than my rational feelings… it takes over.’

Mercifully there was no caning.

‘Why?’

‘I don’t fucking know!’ Bull growled. He knew he’d get it now, but he was angry. _How can she say I don’t care about her, about my friends?_

_Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!_

‘AH!’ Bull cried, his eyes watering. His ass was on _fire_.

***

 

That last cry pained Kirah’s heart. She knew Bull could endure a lot of punishment, but having to take it like this and not fight back would be exhausting. Then she had to factor in the fact he'd slept suspended by chains, after having been drugged for days… _yet_ she knew full well she couldn’t show any gentleness or hesitation, she had to be icy cold for this to work. Bull _needed_ to give voice to his issues and purge himself of his emotional pain. Pain that was trapped by years of training _specifically_ not to show vulnerability. Affection and honesty sure, but vulnerability and pain, fuck no.

The fact remained: he was dealing badly with becoming Tal-Vashoth as many had before him. His inability to work through that pain was an element of it, another was because he’d been protecting _her_ from his burdens. It pained Kirah to recognise she’d been part of the problem, but now she could be part of the solution. Afterwards she could hold him, kiss him, tell him it was alright. _Now_ she had to do this. Inhaling, she gripped the cane.

‘ _Tell_ me,’ she exhaled.

When he paused, she was forced to hit him again. His skin was becoming very swollen and red, and there were welts all over his muscular back from the flogger. Now he was getting angry and she needed specifically to hurt him when he was enraged.

‘ _Tell_ me,’ she persisted.

Again, Iron Bull paused and again she dished out his punishment drawing from him a string of expletives in Qunlat and Common as he strained against his chains. The fixtures were sturdy but dust fell from the ceiling as his fury inflamed.

‘Stop fucking HITTING me!’ he bellowed.

OK, so now she had to exhaust the anger out of him. Dropping her cane, the Inquisitor came around to face him. ‘Stop hitting you?’ she asked innocently.

Bull regarded her with the same look he had in Emprise de Lion: dark, heavy lidded, foreboding. His nostrils were flaring as he breathed heavily and tried to lower his horns threateningly. There would be no backing down this time. Adaar grabbed both horns and yanked his head towards her. The collar would now severely restrict his airway and, sure enough, his eye widened as he struggled to breathe.

‘I will hit you until you tell me what I want to hear. If I have to hit you until you bleed, so be it. If I have to _cripple_ you, so be it.’ She would never do such a thing of course, but she had her script and she had to stick to it. That also meant waiting until he was nearly purple before releasing him. Finally, she stepped back and watched as he coughed and gasped for breath before slowly regaining his composure. The storm had passed.

Kirah picked up the cane and resumed her position.

‘Tell me.’

Bull breathed heavily, and croaked as he tried to form the words.

‘I… I’m Tal-Vashoth…’

 _Yes._ ‘That’s right,’ Kirah affirmed. ‘Again.’

Bull paused and Adaar whipped him again across his buttocks, producing a very un-Bull like yelp.

‘I’m Tal-Va- _fucking_ -shoth!’ he shouted and then immediately gasped, ‘S-sorry, kadan.’

‘Say that _precise_ arrangement of syllables again,’ Kirah urged.

‘No.’ _Whack._

‘Say it!’

‘Tal- _whack-_ nnugh!’

‘What?’

‘Tal– _swish-_ fff! _’_

‘I didn’t get that.’

‘Tal-Va- _fucking_ -shoth!’ he quickly ground out before the cane could touch his beleaguered buttocks again.

‘Yes you fucking are!’ Kirah proclaimed.

After a few moments of listening to Bull’s heavy breathing, she picked up the flogger from the floor. ‘This is for Krem’s fucking arm!’ she snarled, swinging it across his back viciously.

 

***

 _Yeesss,_ Bull thought. 

‘This is for nearly ending Varric!’ _Thwack._ ‘And this is for threatening _me._ ’ _Thwack_. ‘Your boss, _thwack_ , your Inquisitor, _thwack_ , your _kadan_.’

 _Yes, yes._ Bull felt hot tears spring to his eye in tandem with a deep emotional pain as the chains cut into his flesh. He couldn't repress the torrent of feelings: shame, sorrow, anger... 

‘You will _never_ endanger my crew again,’ Kirah growled.

Bull huffed air out of his lungs and felt a little dizzy. 

‘If you do I will crush you. Do you hear me?’

‘Yes, boss,’ he croaked.  The stings were vicious but… the release was… gratifying. A bone-deep gratifying. The maelstrom of emotion seemed to subside.

His redeemer finally dropped her flogger and came into view, picking up a thick stick leaning against the wall. Bull’s eye widened. Back in Seheron, he and his crew used sticks to beat their fears out of each other. It was an old Qunari ritual. Did she know? He began to realise what this was all about and felt an overwhelming surge of love, despite the fact his whole body felt like shit.

‘Repeat after me: I am no longer part of the Qun,’ Kirah commanded.

‘I… _thwmp…_ am not part of… _thwmp…_ the Qun,’ Bull croaked. Despite the fact she was cracking him across his chest and upper stomach, it felt good, rather than painful. No, it _was_ decidedly painful, but _emotionally_ it felt good… _Didn’t it?_ Bull couldn’t get his head around it. Perhaps it was only meant to be felt rather than analysed.

‘I don’t need the Qun to be a good, strong warrior,’ she outlined slowly.

‘I don’t… _thwmp_ … need the Qun… _thwmp_ … to be a good, strong warrior.’

'I am The Iron Bull and I am Tal-Vashoth.'

'I am The Iron Bull and I am... _thwmp.._ Tal-Vashoth.'

‘And I'm a good man.’

‘And I'm a good man.’

***

 

Bull’s eye was a little unfocused, Kirah noticed. Shrokrakar had told her not to push him so far he lost consciousness, but she had to get him pretty damn close. His breathing was ragged and the cuts in his back would need tending. _That’s enough,_ she decided. Narrowing her eyes, she said in a low warning, ‘I will drag you down here and flog you to within an inch of your life if you do anything like that again – do you hear me?’

‘Yes…’

‘Yes what?’

‘Yes, boss.’

Kirah examined Bull. His eye was glazing over. She had to resist giving him water or comfort, but he desperately needed attention.

‘Shro!’

Shrokrakar came barrelling in.

‘My prisoner needs cleaning up.’

He examined Bull’s back, his pulse, his eye and nodded. Kirah remembered he’d brought salves and potions galore so left him to it. She couldn’t bear to look at her handiwork any longer and was feeling sick.

***

 

As she emerged into the fresh air, Kirah bent over and inhaled shakily. Dorian appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

‘Inquisitor, may I trouble you?’ he asked, taking her arm reassuringly.

Somehow she managed to straighten and say calmly, ‘Of course.’ And then she allowed herself to be steered up to the mage’s chambers.

‘Here you go,’ Dorian said, pouring her a glass of brandy almost immediately as they entered.

Kirah knocked it back before lying down on his bed and covering her face with her hands. ‘Maker Dorian, that was AWFUL.’

‘Did he talk?’

‘Yeah…’

‘Did he pass out?’

‘No.’

‘Then my dear, it was a success. You’ll see.’

‘Does Krem know?’ she asked, concerned.

‘No, no, no. I doubt he would remotely understand. Better to keep it between the precious few of us.’

‘Will Bull forgive me?’ Kirah asked, tears squeezing out the corners of her closed eyes.

She felt Dorian sit beside her on the bed. ‘Of course he will,’ he said softly. ‘I’ll wager he’ll love you even more.’

Kirah wished she could be certain of that.

 

***

 

Bull felt very woozy. He suspected he’d been drugged again after the stupid, handsome Qunari… no, _Tal-Vashoth,_ gave him some water. He didn’t even care that the man was touching him and cleaning him up. Shrokrakar unlocked his collar, but explained he was leaving Bull’s arms chained to hold him up while he tended to his wounds. Bull felt comfortably detached. There was no anger towards his captor this time, no need to punch him repeatedly.

After a few moments, or hours, Bull couldn’t tell, the Tal-Vashoth was joined by the Avaar. They undid the rest of his chains and helped him lie down sideways on a blanket, his neck propped up a roll of other blankets to accommodate his horns. He vaguely recalled the Avaar saying he had an impressive pair and Bull wondered if he meant balls or horns and chuckled to himself.

He must have slept for hours because when he opened his eyes the torches were lit and no more light came in from the windows. He inhaled and stretched causing himself a great deal of pain. As he cried out, a big hand squeezed his shoulder and then brought a bitter drink to his lips. The bronze tone of the hand’s skin told him it was Shrokrakar.

‘How long have I been out?’ Bull asked hoarsely.

‘Not long enough, go back to sleep,’ the merc responded, though not unkindly.

The warrior wasn’t going to argue and drifted back to sleep.

 

***

 

Bull slept for a full day and, when Shro deemed him ready, was moved to his quarters, under the cover of darkness. Kirah had been fierce in her demands that this was dealt with discreetly and so far things had gone to plan.

She was yearning to see him and explain, but her Qunari advisors (Shro and Dorian) had told her to be patient. Apparently he was healing well. Shro even told her she did an admirable job, avoiding any permanent damage. She’d felt nauseous again when he said that, burying her face in her hands. Her Second quickly explained that when it happened to him he’d been in a far worse state. It was of little comfort.

‘Do you think I’ll need it one day?’ she asked.

‘Nah, boss,’ he chuckled. ‘You weren’t brought up in the Qun so you won’t need to get fucked up to get over it.’

‘We are more _physical_ than other races though aren’t we?’

‘Sure, we use our bodies in a different way. Kids are encouraged to fight off their hormones when they come of age and throughout our lives we enjoy a certain level of aggression, but, as you can see, it needs a proper outlet and serious control.’

‘Taming the wild. Order out of chaos,’ Kirah said, nodding, remembering what Bull had once said about dragons.

‘He’s going to be fine, Adaar,’ Shrokrakar smiled. And then he laughed. ‘So, you did end up with one of us after all.’

Blushing, Kirah grinned. ‘Yeah.’

‘Well, he’s damn impressive physically, I can see why you would,’ he chuckled, nudging her. ‘Like I always said, when you go Qunari, you don't go back.'

Adaar snorted at his bad joke but couldn't agree more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise this was a bit painful (in more ways than one!) but I felt it was necessary. I remembered Bull getting the Inquisitor to whack him with a stick after their foray into the Fade and it sparked from there. Hopefully it makes sense why he needed it. Let me know if not and I'll do some tweaking. Thanks for sticking with it <3 We'll have some feels and fun in the next chapter.


	21. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirah and Bull are finally reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one to soothe our hearts <3

‘What do you mean I can’t tell him?’ Kirah asked, hysteria rising in her chest.

‘If he knows you didn’t want to do it, it might lessen the effect,’ Shrokrakar warned. ‘And if you ever need to repeat the practice in the future it won’t be as effective. You can’t risk it, Adaar.’

The Inquisitor glared at her Second. It had been two days and she’d been about to visit Bull for the first time since his punishment. She wanted to hold him, to tell him she didn’t want to do it, that it pained her to hurt him, but now Shrokrakar was telling her she had to pretend otherwise so she could do it _again_ if necessary. Her heart ached.

‘If he goes a few years without needing it, perhaps you could confess then?’ Dorian proposed, looking to the mercenary for endorsement. Shro gave a nod.

Kirah slammed a hand against her bed post. ‘Andraste’s flaming fucking tits,’ she growled. ‘Alright, alright. Can I just see him now?’

Shro considered her for a moment, then nodded. ‘Sure, after lunch today swing by, I’ll make sure he’s ready.’

 

* * *

 

Bull awoke feeling more clear-headed than he had in days. He was still propped up in all the right places with a stiff pillow behind him so he didn’t roll onto his back. He inhaled deeply. He was still sore, but he felt _purged_ , totally free from the dark, heavy pain that had been grinding him down all these weeks.

‘You’re awake.’

The now familiar voice of Kirah’s Second came from somewhere behind him.

‘Yeah,’ Bull replied, voice still a little coarse from the collar. ‘And I could do with a strong drink.’

Shrokrakar came round Bull’s bed and into view. ‘Yeah you probably could, but you’re not going to have one.’

Bull raised his eyebrow in a challenge, but Shro merely shook his head, amused.

‘You need to recalibrate and alcohol will only get in the way.’

The man examined his patient, arms crossed.

‘See anything you like?’ Bull purred.

Shro shrugged. ‘I can see why Adaar has a thing for you. She likes big, muscle-bound men.’

Bull felt a small territorial tremor at his words. The merc didn’t miss a beat.

‘It’s not that like between us, big guy.’

‘Good because even though I’m a bit… flayed… I could still give you a run for your money.’

‘Ha! I’m sure you could. Anyway, it’s not me you need to worry about – it’s _Kalak_ she’s always had a soft spot for.’

‘Kalak?’ Bull asked, frowning at the mercenary’s mischievous expression. He knew he was being teased but he felt too raw to resist. _Who the fuck is Kalak?_

‘The big Avaar with the penchant for poisons,’ Shrokrakar explained.

Bull narrowed his eyes and was about to probe the man for more information when there was a knock at the door.

‘Ah that will be him now,’ Shro announced. ‘Here to challenge you to a fight for the maiden’s affections.’

The bed-bound warrior knew he was joking, but growled and straightened as he opened the door -and let Kirah inside. Bull’s heart swelled with joy to see her at last.

‘Boss,’ he called to her, or rather croaked.

Shro exited and closed the door softly behind him. Kirah inhaled and gave him a faint smile before sitting on a chair opposite the bed.

‘I’m glad to see you’re recovering from your punishment,’ she said, not unkindly, but without her usual warmth.

‘Yeah…’ he replied, voice a hoarse whisper.

Kirah went to speak, but Bull blurted out, ‘I need you to know, I’m so sorry, kadan. I’m gonna apologise to Varric and Krem as soon as I’m on my feet and I’ll do everything I can to make up for… everything.’

The Inquisitor blinked and then nodded. Bull continued. Even if she hated him now, he needed her to know that he was better. ‘The punishment was… profound… and fitting. I feel better, boss. Not that I deserve it. So… I thank you… with all my heart.’ He blinked and looked away, steeling himself to say his next few words. ‘I realise things will have changed between us and I deeply regret…’ Bull’s voice broke. _Shit._

Kirah exhaled slowly. ‘Nothing has changed between us, kadan.’

Bull’s heart panged at her words. ‘What?’ he croaked.

‘I still care about you and I want to be with you,’ she said simply. ‘But you need to understand that you can lean on me, tell me your fears. I won’t break.’

He nodded dumbly as Kirah continued.

‘Know that I _will_ hurt you again if you start endangering people. And if you need a commitment, a doctrine to adhere to, let it be ours, or your own, whatever you need to anchor yourself. You don’t need the Qun to be a good man, remember?’

Bull smiled faintly, his throat too thick with emotion to answer, and watched as his love rose from her chair and came to sit beside him. When she stroked his face tenderly, Bull grabbed her hand and pressed it to his scarred lips. But that wasn’t enough so he pulled her down to lie in front of him. His heart melted when she offered no resistance and positioned herself so her backward-pointing horns were either side of his neck. He kissed the top of her warm head, wrapped his unworthy arms around her and held her close.

‘I love you, kadan,’ he whispered into her hair.

‘I love you too, you big idiot.’


	22. Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull finally heals and gets to make some boozy amends. In amongst his revelry he realises all he wants is to be close to Kirah again. Luckily it looks like tonight could be the night...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been SO long! I've had a lot of life stuff going on, some big milestones. Hopefully this chapter will make up for it (a bit). Thanks for reading - love you guys :) Oh and here's some smut.

Shrokrakar administered various potent salves and poured numerous bitter-tasting tonics, all the while explaining that no spells could be used as Bull needed to feel sore in order for his lessons to sink in. Each day Bull growled at him, but he understood. Thankfully, Kirah had visited each day of the past fortnight and Krem, Varric, and even Dorian, had stopped by.

Finally, when Bull was healed enough to move around without disturbing his wounds, he made the most of it by buying everyone rounds at the Herald’s Rest. That big Adaar, Kalak, even joined them. At first, Bull prickled a little, remembering what Shro had said about there being something between him and Kirah. Surprisingly, however, he was actually able to shrug it off. It was another indication his punishment had done its job and he felt profound relief.

 

***

 

A few hours later, Kirah walked in with Cassandra and, despite the raucous horde, Bull noticed her immediately. They hadn’t had sex in weeks, but Bull didn’t want to initiate it. Well, he did, he _really_ did, but he felt he shouldn’t. It was a gift only Kirah could bestow and he didn’t want to rush her. But, if he wasn’t mistaken there was a seductive glint in her eyes as she nodded at him before taking the stairs alone. Bull certainly didn’t need any more encouragement, nearly knocking over the table in his haste to rise.  

With the laughter of his drinking buddies following him up the stairs, Bull waited until he was out of sight before gripping onto a banister and gathering himself. It would be the first time since he… everything. On one hand their union could heal him more than Shro’s stinking salves, but it could also completely undo him if it wasn’t the same. Well, he knew he wouldn’t find out just standing there like an ass so he took a deep breath and opened his bedroom door.

Kirah was standing perfectly still beside Bull’s bed, facing him. He locked the door and leaned back against it. ‘I…’ he began, but Kirah shushed him.

Slowly she undid her tunic, keeping her eyes on Bull’s. He could feel his heart beating fast within his chest and was suddenly glad the door could support his weight as he sagged against it. Soon her tunic was on the floor, revealing her intricate breast bindings. Bull felt his fingers twitching to unfasten them, but he couldn’t move. Instead, Kirah’s deft hands allowed her breasts to spring free. A growl escaped Bull’s throat despite himself and he straightened, tense as Sera’s bow full drawn. Kirah smiled as she kicked off her boots and unfastened her trousers, until she was fully naked in the candlelight.

Bull breathed in slowly, his mouth pursed. The sight of her toned, but womanly form never failed to impress him. After a few moments, he managed to meet her eyes and grinned stupidly making her laugh. In turn, he pulled at his buckles and made quick work of his far lesser amount of clothing until he too was naked, standing opposite her.

‘Mmm…’ Kirah murmured approvingly, pupils so wide only a sliver of the golden rim remained.

 _OK, she’s made the first move, so it’s fine._  Bull reasoned with himself as he quickly closed the gap between them and clasped her tightly to him. He groaned as his lover’s hot, firm breasts pressed against his hard chest and he took her lips hungrily, tongue probing deeply.

Kirah met his embrace with equal fervour and Bull felt his head swim. Soon they were sprawled across his bed and the coolness of the sheets brought him to his senses. Reaching for a piece of well-worn rope on his bedside table, Bull looked at his lover to make sure he had her consent. Kirah laughed and nodded, eagerly bringing her hands over her head as he tied her wrists together and pulled the rope over a hook in the bed-head.

As soon as she was bound, Bull lowered his head and took a nipple into his mouth. Kirah groaned loudly and the sound went straight to his cock, making him pause his sucking and grip her hip. The smell of her and the smoothness of her tanned skin made Bull feel grounded and home. It was then he realised how much he'd missed this. After a few moments, he dragged his lips up across his lover's breast to her neck, his teeth sinking gently into the curve. His tongue continued its travels to her ear where he sucked the lobe, hand now gliding over the curve of her hip to grasp her ample buttocks, kneading there to offset the tickling sensations his tongue was creating all the way down her spine to her rump.

Kirah pushed up against him now, chin lifted in anticipation of a kiss, but Bull merely smiled and started to lick and graze down the other side of her body, reversing the path he’d taken. As he reached her other nipple he let his hand cup the breast and rubbed his finger across the bud, gently pinching. Kirah moaned with pleasure and he bent to suck again, continuing to knead gently before his lips traced a path down her stomach, hands and nails lightly dragging along her waist and hips until he reached her cunt.

But he didn’t lick her, he merely breathed hotly on her clit, his head gently leaning onto her bent thigh, his hands continuing their journey along her rump and weaving under her thighs to spread them a little more. One elbow to steady himself on the bed, he allowed his other hand to wind down her leg, fingers tracing behind her knees, cupping her muscular calf and massaging her foot before tracing back down again, moving the leg a little more to the side as he got comfortable. He was practically salivating at her scent and flickered his tongue suddenly to touch her sensitive bundle of nerves making Kirah buck in surprise. Bull grinned and used his free hand to hold her hip down while he flicked his tongue again and again, at first light then with increasing pressure.

Bull’s fingers moved from massaging her thigh and buttocks to teasing her outer folds. He gently stroked as he sought the inner wetness, grazing her opening in his slow sweeping. He then focused a finger lightly over her entrance and drew small circles there, listening to Kirah’s low moans. He then dipped the tip of the finger inside before pulling out, teasing her for a few moments like this until he pushed his thick finger in to the knuckle and curved it upwards to hit that intense, fleshy spot. On cue, his lover writhed, and so he pushed another finger in to join the first. Her clit and spot being stimulated, she quivered around his fingers and Bull knew she was getting close.

‘Wait,’ Kirah moaned. ‘I –l-love this… but I want you inside me when I come… please.’

Bull would normally make her wait, but this was beyond him. He wanted to be inside her more than anything. Kirah writhed beneath him, thighs clasped around his hips. She was certainly wet enough, plied enough, to take him now. Bull tried to steady his breath when suddenly Kirah simultaneously rose while pulling her legs towards her around his back. Somehow she managed to push him into her about an inch before he could offer resistance. Bull met her gaze, impressed that even tied and pushed into the bedding, she was skilled, a power to be reckoned with. He growled, still inside her, just the tip. Kirah clenched her muscles, sending a thrill through both of their bodies. Bull closed his eye and breathed in, pushing forward into her slick tightness. They both groaned aloud with relief and desire. _How could I have doubted this would feel right?_ Bull wondered incredulously. He inhaled slowly again and opened his eye to look at his kadan. Her amber eyes met his and he felt her soft gaze deep in his heart. Then she clenched her muscles again, inflaming his desire. Bull drew himself out nearly fully before sliding home and started a relentless, steady pace. Kirah bucked upwards to meet his thrusts which had them both groaning in unison.

It didn't take long. The moment Bull reached down to touch Kirah's clit, she came shuddering around him with a hoarse cry. The warrior followed her over the edge, whole body tingling as he stuttered into her balls-deep. 

 

***

 

 _They were in the middle of a fight somehow. Kirah’s eyes shone with it, nostrils flaring._ _‘You’d better take this one,’ she huffed, sitting down on a rock._

_Bull grinned at her before slicing a red Templar in half. The fight seemingly over, Bull turned around to see Kirah protectively rubbing her belly. It’s then that he realises there’s a distinct mound there. He knows he should be surprised, but somehow it feels right. Suddenly, a rift opens up behind his lover and she’s dragged into it screaming before it shuts just as quickly, leaving him staring at nothing._

‘Gah!’ Bull shouted, sitting bolt upright in his bed.

‘Wha-what is it?’ Kirah mumbled waking from her slumber beside him.

‘Shit, sorry, kadan, it was just a bad dream. Go back to sleep,’ he urged, stroking her shoulder. Bull lay back down and listened to his heart hammering in his chest. _Vashedan that was intense_.  He wasn’t sure what disturbed him more, the fact Kirah was sucked into the Fade or that he was comfortable with her carrying his child.

 

***


End file.
